Foreign Feeling

I don't want children

I never want to have children.
I do not understand why people make it their business to dissuade me from living my life on my own terms. You can have you own experience, just don't limit mine. Don't shame me for my difference because you will not be changing my mind. For years I believed in the image heteronormativity spurred for me, but as I discovered who I am I felt I fit into it less and less. I never want to be pregnant. I would be dysphoric beyond anything and it is one of my worst fears. I am not even sexually active or plan on being in a sexual relationship, but that is how far this fear delves for me. I fear that if I am SAed I won't be saved from the situation (Roe V Wade Overturned). I would never want to have a child to make up for what I have lost and try to heal myself. They are not a tool for that. I do not want to pass on my mental illness and family diseases. I think family being strictly blood is bullshit. Adoption is not for family building either. You need to understand the failures of the foster care system and the complications that exist. My fear of pregnancy and r*pe has gone beyond my years and logic in certain ways. My OCD grasped a compulsion relating to the phobia "just in case". I have done this for years. Years. Ptsd can affect you even when those memories are repressed. Paranoia is not rational, but can be coped with.  People try to tell me who I am-force their ideals on me they claim that I will regret taking this path in life-being different than them, but it was not their decision, never was, and never will be.