Foreign Feeling

Chaos w/ Thanksgiving

Family friends I've never met and their children.. ah what a joy

Aromantic rant/vent?:

I feel annoyed
Frustrated
Angered..
Mostly disappointed

I.e:
So frustrating not being able to tell parents Im aroace and yet they would never believe me and Im safer not saying so. Its not a fight I can afford to have but it's suffocating sometimes.

Like dude that is FIFTEEN??? My BROTHERS AGE.
Comes over.
We dont really hit it off but we go to my room and he shares his music.
Kinda awkward
But platonic fun for a moment that was chill

Bad moments:
Him being like I miss my GF.
Which I dont think was related to me but.
I felt an inkling.
That he saw me as a girl.
And because of that was like oh no! Must prevent flirting.

Me: bitch Im queer and aroace but closeted in ways so like fuck. But im queer and NOT attracted to you.

My mom later:
So that 15 yr old dude was cute right?

Me: mother what. the. fuck.
When have I ever expressed attraction to any man in front of you since my internalized homophobia days?

I mean I can be attracted to people just not .
Easily nor have really been past aesthetically, rarely sensually, platonically and a single time romantically. Never sexually.

I'm just so fuckn done AHHHH.

I was excited to meet a person I could hang out with-yet I still have parts of me that find it difficult to read situations-body language and social cues-especially that of males because
I was raised to mask as a certain gender.
And even if I am not that gender, I still tend to mask that way a lot of the time or try to reflect behaviors. I have distrust and compulsive heterosexuality/romanticism when it comes to guys a lot of the time (intrusive thoughts many). And even so, at the end of the day, it matters more to me how well I can connect with someone.

I can understand people better when we have more in common.

Being aromantic in a romanticalloheteronormative society is difficult and especially when people place their expectations on you. Like they do not understand- when they assume things of me based upon appearance or behaviors. Just-
Some dont recognize the possibility that me
I
Could never be aroace spec queer agender
Of course not

It does not even exist in their realm

And so it causes miscommunications and misinterpretations that are horrid so much of the time but you also have learned to navigate due to society sucking. ANyWAYS

But theres also the opposite issue of the spectrum where people now know this of you and expect you to conform to their brief idea or stereotype of that community-other wise you do not fit into their lens, nor do they understand how to interact with you.
Yet, they don't recognize that by interacting, they learn just how unique of a person you are, that things are different and a spectrum. They need exposure. Exposure they wont generalise.