Foreign Feeling

Call me the Grinch of Valentine's

    There's this whole stereotype that asexuals (*meaning they believe all ace ppl are therefore aro which is inaccurate) despise PDA and relationships, but you see.. it's not true for all. And in truth, that really doesn't encompass the experience I have. 

In a way, it's kinda like being Jewish on Christmas.. for some children they long for the gifts that are given freely, others feel confident and comfortable in their own holiday, and most find themselves face to face with a rejection for not being the majority-face with a kind of pity for the lack of participation. I'm using symbolism here. Some crave romantic relations like those around. Some are confident int their identity and feel no need for romantic relationships. Others, can't help but fixate upon the rejection and isolation felt for not being like so much of society. 

The grinch itself is kinda silly in a sense.. Like, within this idea that someone not liking holidays means they can't possibly allow others to enjoy it? Or that somehow them not wanting to makes the holiday ruined? I'm not speaking of the character, but ideas portrayed by the story and how they truly are a present thing in society. Yes, some do try to push others down because of how they feel about themselves, but not all.

I think that I am more annoyed at how much society pushes the weight of love as a fundamental of life, when really, it is quite ignorant to keep assuming such. Yes, for the majority, romance is something they aspire for, but the only person that should have an say in your interpersonal relationships is yourself and those within them. People encompass bounds beyond what is represented. I think it's more like a frustration for a lack of representation. It's like holding up a sign yelling, "I'M DIFFERENT!" to everyone and having to mask all day. They'll ask you about romance and all. Luckily, the holidays are where these subjects tend to arise most and they aren't often enough to make a significant mark, but it's just another familiar sense of judgment and isolation for me.

In truth, I used to really like some holidays like Valentines-especially as a tween. When I was a kid I think I felt lonely? Mostly due to my fixation on popularity as a poor measure of interpersonal influence and  connection. I was more envious of ANY connection one had. I think i was a romantic in some sense? Or at least, I liked romantic stories. Yet, I didn't really connect with them on a true level. I love reading queer romance as that is what I am, but any romance story to me matters more for it's plot and representation. I love the fluffiness, angst, and emotions it invokes. I love representation and healthy relationships depicted. I just don't see myself in most of them. I think if I ever dated someone we'd be in a QPR (queer platonic relationship). A kind of mix or middle ground/spectrum blurring between friendship and romance. A deeper bond than friendship, but not romantic really. 

I think my dislike of Valentine's Day is more over how i emphasizes how much society is alloromantic/sexual and allonormative. Same with heteronormative. Love is a beautiful thing, yes! But, I feel it can be appreciated without complications and also having a holiday appreciating friendships. In México, Valentines is not only lover's day, but friend's day! I want to be able to express that to my friends like that here! 

I can't control much of this. I'm just thinking upon things. So, if I get some chocolates. I get some chocolates!! I really hope no one confesses lol. I have been confessed to before. Well, what happens happens. 

Thanks for reading :))