Once upon a playboy ✓ (Spin-Off Of Far yet Closer)

The bitter truth

My lovelies.... Long chapter ahead... Please be patience....

--Mia--

Present

Cuddled up on Michael's couch, snuggled into his arms, I let out. I let out all my pent up pain. The pain that I have buried all these years.

The pain I refused to overpower me all these years but now I am tired of carrying it in me. I need this. I need this to be out.

I felt Michael kissing the top of my head and I shivered more in his arms. I feel cold. So cold. All these years. All I have felt is cold. With no one beside me to share this. With no one beside me to lean on.

Michael tightened his arms around me and I snuggled even more into him seeking his warmth. He is the only person who knowingly or unknowingly provided me warmth after so many years.

Everytime I close my eyes, the only thing I can see is their bodies, floating in blood.
After all these years I still regret that day because it's me who asked my dad to take us there. I want to meet all our extended family members.

If I hadn't asked, maybe we would have been a happy family. Maybe dad would have been retired by now and would be spending his time leisurely watching his favourite shows on TV. Maybe mum would have filled our entire house with never ending new recipes and their everlasting taste. Maybe Maddy would have graduated by now and started up with his career.

I feel so selfish for dragging my dad on that day reluctantly. I killed my family with my own hands. I stood there silently watching when they fought for their lives.

Tear after tear escaped my eyes like rivers and I have no intentions to stop them.
Sob after sob escaped my mouth and I have no intentions to stop them.

I still have no idea why those men killed my family that day. What wrong have they done? What wrong had my innocent one done? Why have they endured the pain? Why? Why?

All these years the same questions kept on ringing in my head but where can I find the answers? Who will provide them to me?

“Mia.” I heard him calling me gently.
The gentleness made me sob harder. I am not eligible for this gentleness. I am not. I shouldn’t even be alive. I don’t deserve this.

Every day my heart kept on beating asking for whom it should beat. Everyday my lungs kept on breathing asking me why they should breathe.

Just like always I have no answers.

Mum, Dad…… Where are you? Why have you left me? Why isn’t it was me? You only love Maddy, right?
That’s why you took him with you.
Do you think I won’t protect him? Do you think I don’t love him? Do you think I won’t take care of him?
Why have you taken him with you?

Yeah, because I failed. I failed in protecting him. I failed pathetically in protecting my baby brother. He screamed. He wriggled. He thrashed. He did everything in his little 8 year old self power but me… Oh me! I just stood there silently watching him suffer. I just stood there silently watching life escape from his little body.

Then how can they leave him with me? How can they trust me enough to protect him? That’s why they took him. That’s why they left me alone to suffer for the rest of my life.

These mere thoughts and questions made every cell in my body scream out loud in pain. I let them. I let them scream out loud. I let them take control over me.

That’s how my body started sweating profusely. That’s how my mouth went dry. That’s how my entire body turned weak. That’s how my vision started to blur.