Second Chance At Love

Not Today.

Brynn

The girl's night I had with Lauren was very much needed. We spend the rest of the evening talking about anything we'd missed out on in each other's lives over the weeks we barely talk. She apologized for pushing me away but told me she pushed everyone away. The Aiyden thing kind of hurt her more than she led on and it was still a thought in the back of her head. One that she was trying to forget. She told me how he texted her multiple times after she sent him a text telling him off. They hadn't talked since then. She had been ignoring all his texts. Lauren then made me tell her about my and Cgc's relationship even though I felt kind of bad. She told me it was okay with her so I told her almost everything.

I told her about the embarrassing 'let's sleep naked' drunk comment I made and the crazy need I've had to give myself to him completely. Of course, that caught her attention and she cheered me on, telling me I should do it. I voiced my insecurities again, the ones I had with my body. She gave me encouraging words that brought literal tears to my eyes but somehow, I still didn't believe her. Cgc calling me beautiful makes me feel beautiful but ugh, the thought of a man — especially one I like — seeing my body again scares the shit out of me. What if he doesn't like what he sees? If I don't do anything for him like the girls he's been with before?

The way I see myself is the only thing holding me back from giving in to that need.

Even now as I lay in bed with him after our third stressful final, I find myself thinking about. . . sex. Everything about sex and pleasure feels like a distant memory. I'm surprised I remembered how to kiss someone. I shake the cobwebs from my head as I nod at something Cgc says. I don't even know what he's saying, I'm so out of it right now. "Just two more days, two more tests, and we're done for a couple of weeks." I do hear this, nodding again. I took my Organic Chemistry test today and although it was as tough as I thought it would be, I have a feeling it went somewhat well. Better than I thought it would go at least. I'm still waiting to hear back from my professor regarding my final score.

"Oh, newlyweds!" Valdez's voice booms from behind the door before he walks into Cgc's room. He has an infectious smile on his face as he plops down on the bed between us. He's been off lately, none of us really know what's going on with him, but he seems a lot better these past couple of days. Maybe it was just the stress from football. "I just got back from my tutoring session, the last one of the semester and I'm fucking bored," he says. Valdez has been tutoring several students this semester. He's crazy smart even though not many people may know that. "Xander and Maddy would love your company," Cgc says with a fake smile.

I prop myself up on my elbow, smacking Cgc's bare pec lightly. "Why so cheery?" I ask, with a real smile. "I'm going to New Orleans with Nova when the week ends," he says, raising his brows. Cgc rolls his eyes at the mention of both his and Nova's hometown before throwing his head back on the pillow. "That's fun! I enjoyed it when I went. Have you ever been?" I say, making conversation since Cgc is a little grump. "Never been to New Orleans specifically, no. I'm crazy looking forward to it though," he replies. He looks at Cgc whose eyes are closed. We haven't talked much about our New Orleans trip. He told me Rhys knows about what happened between him and his parents but that's as far as the list goes.

He's tired, I mouth to Valdez. He nods, stealing one more glance at his friend before he starts to get up from bed. "I'll let you guys nap or something," he says, but Cgc still doesn't reply. I nod and give him a faint smile. "See you later," I say before he leaves, shutting the door behind him. Cgc rests his forearm across his forehead, his eyes still closed even as Valdez leaves. "What's wrong?" I ask, scooting closer to him on the bed. His warmth wraps around me like an extra blanket as I wrap my arm around his waist. "I just hate the words 'New' and 'Orleans' right now," he says, a slight rasp in his deep voice. I lay my chin on his pec and look up at him.

I don't want to bring up the topic, but I can't let him bottle up his emotions like he always does. It's unhealthy. "How are you feeling about that? It's been a little over a week now." My voice is a lot lower than usual. He shrugs slightly. "I'm mostly over it, honestly. It's just annoying to think about. I'm just being a little shit, I'll get over it eventually," Cgc says, finally opening his eyes. They meet mine as they flutter open, his long lashes making him look like he's wearing a bit of eyeliner. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here. Don't hold back, okay? I love listening to you rant." I smile, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckles, a small shake of his head.

"I like how you didn't deny that I'm being a little shit," he says. "You're always a little shit," I joke. He scrunches his nose, his lips twitching into an almost smile. "No lies detected." I lift my body up and inch up to kiss his lips. I pull away but he pulls me back, keeping me pressed up against him. My chest lays flat on his. The only thing separating our bare chests is his oversized hoodie that I wear. My face flushes red as I imagine us pressed up against one another. Maybe naked. Oh, gosh. "Your face is red," he breaks the silence. He smiles, knowing I'm blushing. Asshole. I try to pull away but his heavy arm is secure around my waist, keeping me in place.

I feel myself get hot and not because he gives off so much body heat. I can't believe I'm thinking like this. "Because I kissed you," I lie. He raises his brows slightly. "Kiss me again," he says. I shake my head once. "You made fun of me," I retort. "I didn't. I just pointed out the fact that your face was red," he defends. I hum as I trail my finger down his nose, booping it at the end. I trace his eyebrows next, then play with his fluffy hair. It's grown out, longer on the top and shorter on the sides. He usually has it shorter than this but it looks good on him. "I like your hair," I say, ignoring his last statement.

I make a face as I look at him more deeply. "You're too pretty for your own good. Like I actually despise you for it," I say, a fake scowl on my face. I'm not mad at him because he's pretty but he's also my boyfriend. Meaning I get to have his pretty face to myself. "I was going to agree with you but I don't want to sound too arrogant right now," he says. I fake laugh and stick my tongue out at him. He uses his hand to push hair out of my face and strokes my cheek afterward. "Yet, still, you're too beautiful for me." His eyes trail from my eyes to my lips. My heart flutters at his words because I know he means them even if I might not completely believe them. There's not one day that goes by where he doesn't call me 'beautiful'.

And here I am, still too scared to show him all of me.

"Okay, maybe now I do want to kiss you," I say. "I've been waiting." He doesn't waste a breath before pushing his soft lips to mine. I cup his jaw with my hands as he guides my thigh over his waist. I take advantage of this and pull myself completely over him, straddling his waist. Our kiss never breaks and his hands lower to the small of my back. His hands go under my hoodie making me flinch at the hot touch. I'm very aware that his hands are only inches away from my bare chest but he isn't. I don't have much chest to show off so his large hoodie makes me look like I have absolutely no boobs. I don't falter, though, deepening the kiss as I slip my tongue into his mouth.

A groan vibrates through him and I grind my hips against his. His lips part a breathy noise escaping the both of us as he grows hard underneath me. Oh, God. I haven't felt something like that in forever and now I'm feeling it constantly. It feels better than I remembered. His hands trail up my back and I feel them freeze when he realizes I'm not wearing a bra. He recovers quickly, trailing his fingers down my back but never going to touch me there. I might want him to though. Cgc's hands slide out from under my hoodie and he places them back on my hips, rolling them for me against him. Oxygen cages in my lungs at the sensation, both of us wearing sweatpants. "I-"

I can't seem to produce any words as much as I try. He kisses me again and brings one hand up to tangle in my hair. How do you tell a man you want more than what's currently happening? If it has to do with talking, I probably won't do it. Of course, it does. I tell myself to remember that all his roommates including their girlfriends are home and the door is currently unlocked too. We can't do this. Not now at least. So, I only kiss him more, not wanting to stop just yet. He lowers his hand down my ass and squeezes it, his hand so close to my core, I feel him brush against it slides back up. I whimper loud enough for him to hear. I finally pull away from his mouth as much as I hate to.

His ocean blue eyes stare deeply into mine as we both catch our breaths. We both want it. But not today, it can't happen right now. I slowly inch off his waist and sit down next to him instead. I can feel my underwear so wet that it's uncomfortable. "I'm gonna use the restroom," I tell Cgc. He licks his reddened lips as he nods. I hop off the bed quickly and exit his room. Luckily, no ones in the restroom, so I slip inside, still catching my breath.

Not today, Brynn. Not today.