Sangyeon dropped her off in front of school, outside of the gates, and she walked through the campus by herself to the library. When she got there, Haknyeon was waiting outside for her already, his hands in his pockets as he casually leaned against the wall. He looked gorgeous, and without a care in the world.
Guilt pricked at her chest for the bad news she was about to tell him. She almost turned around and ran away, but she didn't. She couldn't do that. As much as she was dreading this moment... she also knew that Haknyeon and her mom had formed a connection. She had to tell him. Her mother would have wanted that.
He was all smiles as she approached him, but his smile quickly faded when he saw the state she was in.
Her eyes were red from crying and her face was puffy. Her hair was a mess and the look on her face spoke of pure despair and devastation.
"Mikyung?" he asked, running over to her and holding onto her arms, holding her an arm's length in front of him as his wide eyes searched hers. "What's wrong? What happened?"
"My mother-" she whispered, but that was as far as she got before breaking down into sobs, her body shaking as she stared at the floor that she couldn't even see through her tears.
"Shit," Haknyeon cursed, understanding immediately. "Did she...? Gosh. I'm..." he stopped talking, perhaps knowing that words wouldn't be a comfort in that moment. And he pulled her into his arms instead.
He held her until her tears started to subside, and then he gently pushed her away so that he could look at her.
She ducked, hair falling in front of her face and partially blocking her from his view. "After all that crying I must look terrible," she joked, though her voice was still wavering.
He pushed the strands of hair from her face and gently placed two fingers under her chin, tilting her head up so her eyes would meet his.
"You're beautiful," he said, looking very serious and very concerned. "Mikyung. What can I do for you right now?" he said gently. He reached down to her hands, interlacing their fingers. "How can I best be there for you?"
His words almost sent her into another crying fit, because she was beyond grateful.
Though she knew people meant well when they said things like "I'm sorry for your loss", after hearing that from various nurses and family members over the phone, they fell flat. She couldn't blame them though, for she never knew what to say to be of comfort to someone when a loved one died.
Not until now. Now she realized that words like that just felt empty. They weren't comforting at all. A hug was more helpful, at least for her. It grounded her when the earth was spinning. When Sangyeon saw her, he'd asked, "what are you going to do now?" Somehow that had been extremely helpful too. She knew that he'd suffered enough loss to last a lifetime, enough loss to know that those words wouldn't help. He'd already been there for her so much, throughout her life and now. She wished she could have been more comforting two years ago.
Two years ago, when his pregnant fiancée died in a car crash.
Sangyeon was her best friend. He was like her older brother. Seeing him in pain had crushed her back then. She was sure it was crushing him now too, to see her in pain and not be able to do anything. But he was a big source of comfort. His words and her father's words had been the most comforting of everyone's.
And now Haknyeon. Somehow he'd said exactly what she needed to hear.
She took a deep breath, daring to look up at him again. "I'm not sure," she whispered. "I just... I miss her. I just want to run away. I just... I don't want to even see anyone right now. I just want her."
He nodded, gripping her hands tightly. "Space? You need space?"
"Yes? No? I don't know," she sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know what I need right now. I just need you to know that I'm sorry in advance. If I behave rudely for some reason, or if I won't answer your texts right away, or if I stop coming to school, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry for anything," Haknyeon told her sternly. "You don't have to worry about anyone else right now. Just take care of yourself."
"You'll come to the funeral, right?" she asked him. "My mother adored you so much. Please come."
Tears pooled in Haknyeon's eyes. "Of course I'll be there," he said, squeezing her hand. "Would you guys like my help planning? Or any financial resources..."
She held up a hand, stopping him. "I'm grateful, I really am... But this is something my father and I want to do alone."
"I understand," he said, nodding. The look in his eyes let her know that he really did understand. "I'll be here for you," he told her. "Whatever you need, I'll be here. Always. I promise."
