"No, that was not a relationship, it was just a one-sided thing, well... I", his trembling hands knead the inner wrist, rubbing and scraping the skin muddled under his cuffs, the scars hidden beneath.
"The idea of someone loving me, it was... it bl...
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As I sat in the car, I tried my best not to get those overwhelming feelings of unworthiness reach me but it was difficult. I am not a child crying for some fucking toy. I am supposed to be strong.
"Stop , acting like a fucking child". "You cry just because you are an attention seeker, " "Can you stop wailing, you have everything and still you are So ungrateful".
With my struggle to keep those prickling tears that seem too eager to be unleashed, I somehow managed to keep my composure. After all I have told Ana, ' I have got used to all this' and I should have by now.
On road I better focus on driving, I have to reach our place soon, before Taehyung start texting me or more like spamming my inbox with those random emojis and messages. He maybe sleeping right now, tired after his shift.
As I pull over the garage, I give a quick inspection to my face, no observable symptoms of distraught , he won't know. It's beautiful weather, we should plan going for somewhere fun after all past week's plans got cancelled because of continuous spiral of rainfall.
As I step on the stairs, rummaging my pockets for keys . The door opens abruptly, "Got you" ,he begins with that morning gruff voice . His brunette hair with some highlights of green, splayed in all directions, clad in his favorite tiny titan sleepwear. His face is puffy as he completely squish that poor pillow. He and his sleeping habits. It's still a mystery how he always know it's me.
"Thought you were sleeping but here you are." He wasn't even listening to me just taking those food containers, probably weighing them . "I was sleeping but than I heard ,Jungeuk she made sushi , was there party in your house". He ask, his eyes getting wide making the eyebrows disappear in his hair.
He looks at me, his eyebrows raise in question but than his expressions change, his eyes soften as he leaves the packages behind and moves toward me. He stands right in front of me, his hands softly touch my face , stroking some wandering hair behind my ear.
"What happened?" He questions, I mildly laugh trying to get away with those questions." You look sad". He can't know , just by looking at my face that something happened. There have been days in my life when I used to cry my eyes out and no one noticed. How can he know just by looking at me , that something happened. Before entering here I made sure , he wouldn't notice but it never works. It didn't worked the first day met.
He continues staring at me with worry evident in his features. But there was nothing to share , nothing I could tell him -"It's nothing, Hyung. "I lie , speaking calmly to sound truthful. "I am just exhausted due to overwork. "
Not satisfied by my response he seems to question more, it's clear in the way he still holds my hands , giving a gentle squeeze the way I held Ana's hands to give assurance, but the way he holds them is different as if telling me, I can share anything and I will but just not now. I don't want to ruin our mood because of such useless thing .
