"No, that was not a relationship, it was just a one-sided thing, well... I", his trembling hands knead the inner wrist, rubbing and scraping the skin muddled under his cuffs, the scars hidden beneath.
"The idea of someone loving me, it was... it bl...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Temptation ", the psychology professor had once said, his sharp eyes observing all the students, "originated from Middle English temptacioun "testing," borrowed from Anglo-French tentacion, "enticement to sin," he continued explaining how temptations among businessmen need to be tamed and for consumers to be harvested, a simple way to gain success in the industry.
It is not simple, he knew, half of the students knew. How could it be easy to get tempted and not act upon it, nevertheless a sin? The power holds an allure, kings have slaughtered their lineage for its attainment. The desire to rule and control.
Lust is also a temptation. The one I never put a thought into before, it didn't matter, merely a way to put off some pressure. But I have never experienced the urge to hold someone, to kiss every part of their existence, to have them and to let them have me, the idea frightens me. I have never experienced it until that night.
Groaning I press the books further, it's been an hour sitting in the library trying to formulate a single normal thought from the jumbled mess they are, the hell happened? The thought I have been trying to abate took the most horrific turn. Unless I am over exaggerating stuff.
It has to be alcohol, Tae was so close, too close I could smell him, his scent with a hint of mine as we spend the whole night together. He looked as beautiful as always, the alcohol has soften his features, the blush evident on his cheeks, and then at that moment, I felt the urge to hold him, to kiss him, not in a friendly way. He was laughing, leaning on my arm pressed under his nape, telling me something.
Moving my hands I removed strands covering his eyes, they were gleaming in a daze. Big eyes stared at the ceiling, unconsciously my hands traveled to his face, caressing the soft skin and absorbing the warmth, and then he looked at me, beaming, "it was fun", he whispered getting comfortable but I was far from it. Yes, it was fun, but when is it not when I get to spend time with him?
"Hyung, why 'ave you never tried doing relationships and all that ". I mumble, my hands caressing the apple of his cheeks. It's not the first time this thought came, but after reading those texts from Bogum and those damned introspections hogging my brain, I couldn't help but ask.
He won't remember, he never does. Better to ask now, I end up bargaining. 'Hmm', he mumbles in response after a few minutes. I ask again, I won't be able to sleep tonight without knowing.
"Never got a chance, 'know I been busy, coming to Seoul and then piano lessons, my part-time jobs and all that". I know, but that's not the right answer it's an answer he has equipped for some other friends, also recreated for Ana more than once, she remained unfazed, she didn't press further, despite knowing this was a rehearsed statement, but not for me. I insist, I know there is more to it, but the reply I got back in the club was not an adequate answer.
His fingers trace the tattoos, warm hands leaving a chill on my skin, he becomes more touchy after drinks, not that I mind in the slightest, "it's not like I ''ve never wanted to, it's just 'am afraid of all that relationship stuff".
