June 24th, 2022
We had plans to binge Peaky Blinders and see Jurassic Park- I texted him a week after we saw each other last and he responded with, "I met someone !"
I don't know what it is about me that makes you genuinely not care about my feelings or how I'm affected. I do know this is a massive waste of time and energy to even send this, but I actually don't care anymore. Are you seriously going to pretend like you weren't literally just apologizing for the way you've treated me, telling me how guilty you were, and actually crying to me about your ex girlfriend from four years ago that you're still in love with- because you had no one else? You always apologize and say you feel guilty- so you know you've done something wrong. But you still constantly stonewall me and only speak to me when its convenient for your emotions- you genuinely pretend like you care about me until you decide you don't want to, or don't have to. I would have loved to be friends through all of our future relationships, but the fact that I know you won't respond or care about any of this, and won't even want to have a conversation with me after we've literally spoken for hours about how guilty you feel is actually funny to me. You can't even say "I cant see you anymore because I've met someone and she makes me happy- I'm sorry I know you were excited to do that stuff together, but it's just not healthy for us to be around each other." We could talk and I could be happy for you, but instead you just aren't going to speak to me as if I haven't been your emotional punching bag for a year.
You know I hate sending paragraphs and over texting. But I'm not angry sending any of this, I'm just exhausted- like dude I literally don't deserve this and I truly don't know how you do it. I hope she's never treated like this, and I feel terrible because she's completely oblivious to how you've treated me and Madison, and she might be next. I would have loved to be able to have our coffee shop moment and you could tell me all about her, or anyone in the future, but you've officially pushed me away.
I'm hurting so terribly.
YOU ARE READING
To: L
Non-FictionI never sent these, and won't- but what if they made their way to you somehow I wouldn't mind it. This is a compilation of texts and letters that live in my notes app, all addressed to a boy who's filled me with so much emotion and anguish that I've...
