To: L

Justification

June 3rd, 2022
He just recently called off our... whatever was happening.

Okay
Within the past 48 hours, I've found out that my dad is having an affair with one of my best friends and my grandpa has cancer. Yeah that's a real thing that happened to me. My tolerance for bullshit, is gone. My ability to accept the path that God is guiding me down - is so incredibly low that I want to kill myself. I've been killing myself over this for weeks now L. But life is too short not to confront the things that hurt you. It's clear to me now and has been for a while that you have no intention of actually being friends with me, otherwise you would have the decency to care how you treat me, and to make sure we stay on good terms with each other. You most likely never had any intention of hanging out with me, or doing anything with me. I accepted maybe and I'm tired and I have things to do around the house because I wanted to be patient and wait to have this best friend again. But it's so clear to me now that that will never happen. It's also clear to me now how stupid I've been to genuinely accept every word that's come out of your mouth. But now? It all makes sense, I considered it before but was too delusional to put everything together. The sudden use of condoms, the fact that things ended out of now where, how I immediately had to get all of my things, how I wasn't allowed to go on the boat with you, I'm not allowed to play golf with you, or hang out with you. You don't care to answer a text let alone text me, and you'll never answer a phone call. We are on such a strict schedule on when we're allowed to hang out or even talk and it's only on your terms. Like I'm not a person too. If you were spending all of this time alone, you wouldn't have an issue at least speaking to me, someone you spent every second having fun with for months. I'm giving you the golden opportunity to be honest with me, for closure and to clear your conscience - is there someone else. I know in my heart that there is. You kept harping on the fact that you don't feel what you should with me - because you feel it with someone else - otherwise we could have kept having a good time, no labels, just the bliss we had. If it's not true I need just as much proof, to prove me wrong. It's so easy to forget someone when someone new is in the picture. You have no remorse for the way you treat me because you're too busy creating something beautiful with someone else. You don't care how you look to me, or to preserve our friendship because you've moved on from me as a person entirely and couldn't care less. I just want to know if you were having sex with us at the same time. If she was in the bed we slept in together. If you ever saw her before you saw me. How you met her, who she is, and why you would do this to me like this when you could have been honest with me. Instead of hurting me even worse by lying and making up excuses, leading me on with promises of a friend in you and respect from you.

Where did you sleep last night? He and his best friend were dog sitting for his friends parents, 100% confirmed.

There wasn't anyone else- I went through his phone. He was just a shitty person- who I kept sleeping with.