His Choice - Rafe Cameron

25. I care

Rafe and I are walking along the dock. He has been spitting out facts about all of the boats docked here, for almost half an hour now. I really don't care about the boats, the type of fuel they take or how often the engines need to be repaired. But it is nice to hear Rafe speak so passionately about something. Even though most of his words are mumbled and his sentences don't make sense, the more time we spend out here, the less likely he is to take more drugs

I've never taken drugs so I don't know how long his high will last. I just don't want him to take anymore. 

Rafe gets a little too confident and walks closer to the end. He dips one of his feet in the water and stumbles, almost falling in but I manage to catch his arm and pull him towards me. He finds this hilarious and turns to me in a fit full of laughter. 

"You were so worried, you should have seen your face." He places his hands on my shoulders and stares down at me. "Relax Scar, I wanted to feel the temperature of the water."

"Why? Do you plan on swimming?"

"I'll tell you a secret." He says, lowering his face down to my level and whispering in my ear. "I'm terrified of sharks."

"Here I was thinking Rafe Cameron wasn't afraid of anyone or anything." Except his father of course. 

Rafe unexpectedly pulls me closer to him and engulfs me in a hug. He rests his chin on top of my head. "Your heart is beating like crazy."

"That's because you scared me."

"You care about me?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I care." He ends our embrace, but his hands move back to my shoulders as he continues staring at me. "What?" 

"Nothing."

"Tell me Rafe."

He gives me a small smile. "I don't think I remember a time when someone told me they cared about me. I think the last person was my Mum."

Now it is my turn to pull him into a hug. I know how much he loved her and I think her death is part of the reason why he has so many mental health issues. He never recovered from her passing. The grief along with Ward's horrible parenting has created so many monsters inside the poor boys' head. 

"I do care Rafe. I don't know why, but I do. You have done so much fucked up shit, but I still believe that there is good in that heart of yours."

He lets out a sigh. "I don't know about that."

"I see how gentle you are with Wheez. You really care about her. When we were kids, you cared about Sarah like that too. What happened?"

"She became a pest. An annoying, ungrateful brat. Couldn't do no wrong in my Dad's eyes. I always did so much for him and I got no appreciation. Meanwhile all Sarah had to do was click her fucking fingers and wow, she was such a superstar."

Ward is the main reason why Rafe despises his sister so much. He always compared the two and played them against each other. All he had to do was give Rafe some love and recognition. But it seems like he never did. 

"You're a good person, Scar. To your friends, to JJ, to Emily and even though I don't deserve it, to me."

"You know, I hated the idea of you doing drugs. But if you're spitting out all of these compliments then maybe the drugs aren't so bad." I laugh at him. "I am seriously kidding. They're so bad for you. Why do you get high all the time Rafe?"

"Because then I don't have to feel the pain."

"What pain?"

"All of the pain."