Aarzoo and Atif confined in a marriage with no interest and expectations, deal with complications until they mutually decide to part their ways keeping their kins uninformed. Just when they think it's the end to all their difficulties, they discern...
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at times,
anywhere is where I want to be,
a pit,
a hole,
a well,
Anywhere,
but just be.
~be
'Thanks for calling man' I said to my friend Dr.Drevis holding my phone close to my ears and walking away from my car.
'That's okay man, is everything alright? I just saw your message asking for me to call you immediately. Sorry for not calling sooner'
'No, don't be sorry. You called me at the perfect time' I said as I stopped and looked back. 'What's the matter, Doctor?' He sounded quite concerned.
'Nothing really. Just wanted a break from something' I said as I watched my car disappear in the distance with her head down.
I remember when I saw her for the first time. I was an early teen and she was a little kid. She ran across the room with her other little cousins and I had a brief moment of eye contact with her. She had a smile on her lips and hair all over her face. 'Wait for me' she yelled at the other kids looking away and I watched her run away. Her childish giggles along with the other kids echoed the room. She was too young when this happened to remember it now but I do. I remember.
Did I really get married to that little girl? I ruined our lives, didn't I? Why did she even agree to marry me? I was quite confident that she was going to turn down my proposal but she didn't. My bad. She's young and cheerful, why did she agree to marry a reserved guy like me in the first place? She had her whole life in front of her and her decision was to throw away everything and get married. I tried all my best to call off this wedding from my side but why didn't she? Is she interested in this marriage? I had so many answerless questions revolving around my head and I was being hopelessly ridiculous. In the midst of all the unclear thoughts, one thing I knew with the best clarity, this marriage happened for the sake of happening. It happened because I was done explaining to my parents that I don't need a partner or a companion for the rest of my life to live with. It was pointless and I was tired. I had to do it, for them.
The whole marriage was exhausting. I was the fakest groom in the history of marriages. No matter how empty and clueless I felt inside, I pretended like I was okay. Pretended like the elder's blessings meant something to me and laughed at my cousin's double-meaning jokes. But actually the truth being, I was scared. It felt like I was all over the place and nowhere at the same time. Despite living, I felt like a nobody feeling absolutely nothing. It is not easy to feel nothing. Nothing is deep. It's a void you don't know how to fill. It's like a bridge with no end and without a way out. I wanted to get out of that bridge desperately.
I sat on the closest bench and couldn't resist my feet softly tapping the ground. I knew I was feeling anxious. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong. Maybe getting married to Aarzoo is going to be the biggest regret of my life. I tied knots with zero hopes and interests but now I have a wife. A person to look after. She must've come here with such big dreams but little does she know I look at her like a burden to bear and nothing more. She is going to be home when I return. Is there a way I can change that? Is there? Because I'd do anything to stay at distance.
I never expected I'd end up this way with Aarzoo. All my life, I've preferred to stay alone but now the tables have turned so quickly. Why does this feel like it happened without my consent? I agreed to this marriage with all sanity yet it feels so unreal. Maybe it's the change that is overwhelming. Will Aarzoo understand if I tell her this marriage means nothing to me? I don't know. I don't know her yet.
