Three Blonde Wishes

Chapter 7 - Careful

Arzoo

As time passed, I made terms with whatever happened. This marriage ends. My life doesn't. My undergraduate degree was not helping me in Amsterdam. I was desperate for a job and so I was open to any opportunity that paid well. I simultaneously had to look for a new place to move in but Atif assured me he'll take care of that. The job hunt was draining but was moving with full determination. A week later, I finally got a job. I got a job as a florist in our neighbourhood flower boutique. I informed Atif about it and he was happy for me. 'Where?' he asked. 'bloemenweelde' I replied. 'It's a nice place' He gave a quick review.
'By the way, I have good news too' he said.
'Actually two' He added.
'A very happy day this is I suppose' I said to him and chuckled. 'The second good news is that you've got a house to live post separation' He said. 'Where?' I asked as relief took over me. Both my problems were solved at once I thought to myself.
'Next door' he replied instantly. I looked at him like I knew he was joking. He reassured me it was true. 'Couldn't find any in such a short span' he said. 'You know I can't afford it' I said as I turned towards him demanding an answer. 'It's fine, I've paid the advance' he replied. 'Why?' I asked as frustration took over me. 'Because it's a new country for you, it would be better if you stick around' he said as he loosened his tie. 'You know I can't afford it and still, you got it? And a house next door to yours?' I sighed as I started getting furious. 'Look I know you can't afford it. That's why I have paid the advances. You don't have to worry about for the next six months-' Wha- 6 months?' I interrupted. 'Why would you do that? I can take care of myself' I defended.

'If this is your second good news I can only imagine what your first one would be' I said sarcastically out of irritation. 'Our separation' he said as he took out a few papers from his file.

'The separation process has started. This is a joint application for divorce that needs to be submitted' he said as he kept the papers on the table. 'I've already signed it. You can take your time and sign. Everything comes to an end with this. After this, in a couple of weeks, we'll be officially separated. You'll need a place to stay. You can stay next door. It's your house now. I would never interfere' he spoke in a convincing tone.

I took a moment for myself. I looked at the papers on the table. I reached out for the pen from the side table leaning forward to sign. I paused. 

'Growing up we were always taught to hold on for others, let go for others, speak for others, endure for others... How weird, why didn't anyone ever teach us to do anything for ourselves?' He asked a question that I had no answer to. 'Today teach yourself the most important lesson of your life. Teach yourself to choose you' He said.

'No one's ever going to teach you that if not you' He added as he shrugged with his hands in his pocket.

I listened to him attentively and what he said hit me hard. I signed the papers in front of him and he kept the next-door keys on the table. Looking at the keys I thought how in a second everything between us was over. It was strange that my parents came to my mind before signing the papers. It was stranger that it didn't stop me.

 
I choose myself, my happiness, myself over my family and this marriage. It felt weird but felt relieved. Like I was reincarnated and had a brand new life to start from scratch.
I moved next door immediately. There was no point staying with him when I had a place for myself. There wasn't a lot to do because it was already a full furnished apartment with everything that anyone could possibly ever need. I only had to move in with my personal belongings. It only took a day to move. I did it myself when Atif was at work. While packing my stuff I found a button stuck on my sweater. I recalled and realized it was Atif's from the day I passed out. I decided to keep the button with me. I waited until he came back from work the next day. 'I've moved' I said. He looked at me with slight astonishment. 'Already?' He said. He soon smiled at me and said 'I'm happy for you'
'Thank you for everything you've done. I shall return your debt soon' I said. He nodded in agreement. 'So? What's next?' I asked trying to have a proper conversation for the last time. 'Is Maheen going to move in?' I asked as he was struggling to answer. 'I don't know' he laughed. How he always has this laugh on his face when her name comes up I thought to myself. 'We haven't talked about that yet' he added. I forced a smile and said 'Well, all the best'.