Book boy [DNF]

[29] "Helping hand"

Clay couldn't stand there any longer, couldn't stand in his own disgrace for much longer before he truly wept away and fell into a mode of dejection.

He picked up his jacket, threw it on his shoulders and left the apartment behind him, forgetting about it entirely. He pulled his hood over his head and wandered away, down the main road and away from the eyes of strangers who would sell him out if they knew who he was.

The london street lights and offices glowed in the dusk, outlining everything more majestically than Clay had though it could. The world moved on without him, he remembered. His emotions didn't affect anyone but him.

The cloudy sky suddenly thundered and a drop of rain fell on his coat. The lights of the streets didn't waver, they became more extravagant as the rain pelted down, leaving him beind. He didn't have an umbrella on him. He began to run.

He pushed his way through society, through the many folks rushing to get out of the rain themselves. He forgot about everything as he ran and remembered a lot too, wanted the world to come down and bury him while others prospered in the light of darkness.

When he had reached his hotel room, a sorrowful sigh left his lips and his phone began ringing. Drops of water fell from his hood and jeans, making a mess of the reception's fine interior. He picked it up; Sapnap.

Clay didn't say a word as Nick picked up his phone and began talking to him, asking how he was and where he was. Tommy had called him, apparently. "He said you left in a hurry, where are you? Why aren't you talking?"

He wandered to the elevator and waited until the doors opened before he stepped in. Only did he speak, when the doors shut. "I fucked up, Nick. I fucked up really bad."

Nick grew quiet. "I'm waiting for you at the elevator."

Clay didn't respond. Tears emerged at the corners of his eyes, and he couldn't even bother to look up when the doors opened and he stepped out. A hand pat his shoulder and they walked over to the room only he and Nick shared.

Clay almost collapsed on his bed as Nick opened the door and allowed entrance into a dark room. Nick hummed, slightly displeased, longing to know what was going on. He sat down next to the dirty blond. "So, what happened?"

That's when it all fell apart. "I told him. I fucking told him, and he said he didn't like me. Or he did. And he said that he didn't want to be used and that he knew I was straight but that wasn't true and I wanted to tell him but-" He spoke to fast, sobbing in-between words. "-but then I remembered Harry and the contract and everything and I felt so fucking bad. I fucked up, I fucked up so badly, Nick, I don't even know what to do."

Nick strung an arm around his shoulder and helped him take his soggy coat off before opening his arms in a hug. "Let it all out, dude."

Clay strangled him. He held onto him so tight that Nick was chuckling, telling him to stop strangling him, before caressing his hair and offered advice once he calmed down from sobbing  into his chest. "You should have told him. Fuck the contract. They would have accepted you in a heartbeat."

He knew how much it affected Clay, affected him. It always had, even when they were little. "I-I told Tubbo about- about y'know."

"There's no shame in saying your trans, it's okay. That shithead's not going to say anything about it anymore." Nick told him. "Hey, if you told him, you've already broken Harry's word."

"But Tubbo needed it, he's like that too."

"Yo, allies." Nick chuckled as Clay started sniffling.

"What if George hates me now?"