Our story

Recovery

JJ

We've all been taking turns when it comes down to making sure that Hotch is doing okay. He refuses to sleep in his bed though.

Tonight I'm over there again to try and get him to sleep in his own bed. "I won't subject you to sleeping on this couch JJ." Hotch says.

"It's your house though, and you need a good nights rest."

"If it my house, then my rules win over your own. Thus meaning you have to sleep there since there is no other place to sleep." He says.

"Damn it Hotch." I sigh and he just stares at me and I go and set my bag in his room. I walk back out to the living room and find him halfway asleep already.

I throw a blanket over him and walk to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I grab it and go back to his bedroom and shut the door.

I change for the night and then turn on the bedside lamp and pull a notebook out of my bag. I spend a while writing before getting up to go and get a bite to eat from the kitchen. I get out of bed and walk out to find Hotch just walking out of the kitchen himself.

"I don't have much left at the moment, but I made you what I can." He says and goes back to lay on the couch and fall asleep again.

"Hotch stay up and eat something if you haven't already. You need to eat food at some time." He looks at me and then stands back up and walks over. He grabs a small amount before going back to the couch.

"The rest is yours, I'm going to get groceries tomorrow." He says and then goes back to sleep. I sigh and grab some of the food and set at the table to eat and keep and eye on him. He seems like he has a tendency to forget to eat from time to time.

When I finish I clean everything up and then go back to his room and brush my teeth. I then go back to the bed and lay down to try and sleep. The only problem is that Hotch seems to not be sleeping at night. He looks exhausted and it seems like he's going to crash and burn soon.

{A week later}

Morgan

I walk into Hotch's house and find him in the kitchen with a glass of what I hope is water in hand. "Hey Hotch."

"Hello Morgan." He says and I walk over to him and see the bottle of Vodka on the counter.

"Hotch I don't suggest drinking Vodka."

"I know, I ran out of what I usually have." He says and I look over at the garbage to see a few different bottles there.

"That's not what I meant." He turns towards me and sets the glass on the counter next to himself.

"I know. You guys are aware that you don't have to keep coming here. I'll be back next week and things will be back to how they were before I went 'missing'." He says. I don't like how he added quotes around the word missing.

"Hotch you were missing. For three weeks might I add."

"Look, Morgan. It was a week ago that I got back. Now I'm going to watch a movie tonight if you want to watch then be my guest. If not then do whatever it is that you do whenever you stay." He says and then he finishes his drink and walks over to the living room and grabs a movie disk off the coffee table.

I sigh and put the Vodka back in the fridge and then go and put my bag in his room for the night and get changed. I ate before I got over here so I go and brush my teeth and then walk back out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water for myself and Hotch.

I bring it over to him and take try and see what the title of the movie he's watching is called, but I miss it and decide to just head off to bed for the night and deal with it tomorrow. Thank god for the weekend.

"Night Hotch."

"Night Morgan." He says and I head off to his room for the night and try and get some rest. It's about the only thing I can do while I'm here for the next few hours. I shut the door and hear him get up and engage the alarm again and then go back to the living room.

I lay down and try and get some rest, but can't seem to actually get to sleep while I'm here and knowing what I walk in on and what JJ had told us about her time here last week. It terrifies me a bit to know what could be going on with Hotch.

I mean hell he sleeps a lot, but JJ is right. The guy looks like he's about to pass out due to exhaustion soon. I try to look passed it, but I can't seem to see passed it anymore. I hate it and I can't fix this.

None of us can fix this and a man that's not only my boss, but that I also have a lot of respect for is slowly deteriorating in front of all of us. I get up and walk out of the room and walk out to the living room and see Hotch just sitting there watching whatever movie he put on and I sit next to him.

"What are you watching?"

"Nightmare on Elm Street." He says and I look at him slightly concerned. "Relax. I just have a thing for old corny horror movies." He says and we both sit on the couch watching the movie together.

He seems really into the movie and it's nice to seem him enjoying small things like this. It's sad to see that he's only like this when he's at home and not even when the team would go out for drinks.

"Hotch."

"Yes Morgan?" He asks and glances over at me.

"Why is it that you never let yourself relax unless you're at home? I mean even when we're on the trip back home, you hardly crack a smile."

"Safety is when I'm with the people I care for and love, but home is where I can be just me. When I smile around you guys, it's because I know that you are safe and that I didn't fail to protect any of you during a case. If I failed to do that then I have no right to look any of you in the eye with a smile on my face and act like it never happened." He says and I sigh.

"Hotch even if we get hurt out in the field, none of us blame you for that. We know the risk of the job and yet we still do it. None of us blame you for it." The amount of self consumed hatred he has if we get hurt is just shocking.

We sit there in silence for a while and just watch the movie. When it's over I get up and walk back toward his room for the night and he lays down on the couch. I shut the door after I get in the room and lay back down on the bed and go to sleep.