Alive but Shattered | All of us are dead

: ̗̀➛ Chapter 51

Choi Nam-ra has always been alone in her entire life. She has no friends nor she has the intention to make one. She's often misunderstood because of her resting cold face, dubbing her as egocentric girl that was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. It didn't help that she seems to excel in everything she does, reason why the teachers often gave her the responsibility to be the class representative.

She was so fine to be alone until she met Hee-seul, whom at first she was adamant of not bumping into each other again after she called her a girl with facial nerve damage. In Nam-ra's eyes, Hee-seul and her posse were the bullies of the bullies, someone that brings trouble everywhere they go. Just last week, Hee-seul punches a student just because she was bored (at least that's what others know. She knew that the girl punched that student because they pisses her off). The two guys who seems to always swaggers beside her had their fair share of troubles too.

What she didn't expect was for them to become acquaintance-- friends even. When she decided to open her heart for another person in her life, she realizes how they were so alike. Both girls who shares the same dilemma of having an overbearing mother that forces them to become perfect. Nam-ra could only sneer. Perfection, a concept that kills an individual's mental health and confidence.

With the thick blanket of smoke covering the moon, the burning school ground become even more terrifying; like a hell in the earth. The fire is still burning angrily, taunting them of what could they've been if they were seconds late of escaping the school grounds.

"We should spend the night here. We can't go on," Ha-ri spoke that broke the somber atmosphere, "We can't go on without light. It's like finding a needle in the dark."

Nam-ra silently agreed, turning around to look for a place she could sit down. From a far, she could see Wu-jin and Min-jun checking  Hee-seul's body for any injuries.

She wanted to approach her. She feels like they haven't had a conversation for a long time. She wanted to thank her for believing on her, for breaking the wall that she built for a long period of time. They're memories together, although scarce are still great. She wouldn't exchange it for anything. She wanted to tell the girl on what her and Su-hyeok had talked about, wants to gossip about how she finally had her first kiss. She wanted to talk like they're not in the middle of an apocalypse-- the ground zero even. She could feel that her end is nearing and she will regret it if she didn't say good bye to the girl. Alas, she decided to just sit around the corner, not far yet distant to the group.

There's still an inner turmoil that is slowly brewing inside of her, a painful hunger that's itching to be appeased. She can't even sit beside Su-hyeok without forcing her breathing to stop. He just smell so appetizing that she wants to devour every inches of his skin down to his bone.

She didn't know what's happening to her and she's scared. This is the first time that she has been clueless for a long period of time, and she hates it. She hates being ignorant. Everything has become confusing since all of this happened.

Despite of being lost in her sea of thought, she didn't fail to notice the presence that situated themselves beside her. Through her peripheral vision, she can see Hee-seul with both of his knees tuck closely to her chest, legs covered in blazer and through the chest pocket, she could see a crimson red nametag; Seo Min-jun.

"Am I a monster?" Nam-ra couldn't help to ask, looking forward to the burning school of memories.

Through her peripheral vision, she saw Hee-seul turning her head to look at her, sending her a look that's asking why. So, she continues, "back in the music room. It's true."

Hee-seul had a short recollection of what's happening, browsing through the folders of memories inside of her mind for what the girl has been talking about, "That you're not a zombie? I know, you don't have to explain. I believe that you won't turn."

"But what if I am?"

Hee-seul was taken a back from her retaliation, staying silent as a thought devours her mind. Until, she shakes her head, "No, you should've turned a long time ago. Gwi-nam wasn't a zombie, we've seen him and fought him. There's this girl that Lee Su-hyeok and Lee Cheong-san had encountered. We deduced that you might have a similar case with that girl and Yoon."

Nam-ra blinked, looking at her shoes-clad feet, "Cheong-san was right. I really did want to bite Su-hyeok back in the music room. I-- I felt my vision turn red and all I can think is to bite him. I'm hungry and not for food. I have the urge to bite all of you. Wouldn't that make me a monster?"

"But did you?" instead of answering directly, she responded with another question, "Did you fell in your desires? Did you ate us? Did you bite any us? Have you turned?"

Nam-ra bites her lower lip as the voices on her mind came back, taunting her of giving up and succumbing to her desires as she saw blood dribbling on a cut in Hee-seul's cheeks. How she seems to glow in front of her eyes and how she smells good-- like a fresh meat. Her mouth immediately waters.

She gulped, shrugging of those dark thoughts as she fiddle with the hem of her cardigan, hiding the bleeding bite mark on her hand that she did to herself, "I nearly did."

"If you think you are a monster, what would Yoon Gwi-nam be." Hee-seul commented, cuddling her knees tight to her chest.

Suddenly, a memory flashes right in front of her eyes, "You said I was like Gwi-nam. Does that mean I'm also invisible to the zombies?"

"Maybe---" Hee-seul rephrases, "Certainly."

"Aren't you mad at me? I technically let Joon-yeong and Lee Kyung died because I could've do something like kill the zombies before you all got out. I could've done something but I decided to be useless." Nam-ra dropped another bomb.

This time, the emotions on Hee-seul's face and eyes disappears, her voice become unheard as she got reminded of her best friend's poor faith.

In whole honesty, Hee-seul is indeed mad and Nam-ra knew it. She could almost feel the hostility and anger mixing the air. She couldn't help but to smile without humour, looking ahead of her.

Silence covers the two girl friends. That was until Hee-seul spoke again, "I am mad but not directed to you. Kyung's death-- all of the victim's death isn't anyone's fault but Lee Byeong-chan's and the military's," she stated, "And it's not your responsibility to save anyone. I know you didn't want to save anyone. They were hostile to you until this whole catastrophe happens. If it was me, I wouldn't really want to save them too."

I want to save you and Su-hyeok. Nam-ra thought but decided to let it be unheard off because she realizes something, "Wait-- Lee Byeong-chan? The science teacher? What about him? Why is it his fault?"

When the moon sleeps and the sun replaces it, the whole forest become friendly again. Gone the terrifying place filled with identical trees and darkness and it was replaced by the familiar forest. Everyone didn't got any rest despite of being exhausted. Even Hee-seul who's still burning up with fever couldn't even sleep a blink because of the nightmares plaguing her only rest.

While waiting for the group of three to return from their expedition, the remaining of the survivors were left at the forest. Wu-jin is tending to his best friend while the seniors are talking among themselves. The othets are left trapped inside their thoughts.

"Kyung-ie is with Irina now," Min-jun told Hee-seul, "He's finally at rest with his love."

"But I am not," Hee-seul responded in a whisper, almost inaudible but Min-jun heard, "If Kyung accepted his death too quick, I didn't. I would never."

"Out of the five of us, you know Kyung is the number 1 anti-fan of your plans? He wouldn't like it and would rather you safe than do something stupid." Min-jun stated.

Hee-seul looks at him, "And out of the five of us, you very much know that Kyung never influenced what I want to do and what I will not do. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just want to give Old Lee a piece of my mind."

Min-jun chuckles, "I know. I thought I could influence you," he then shrugs, "At least I've tried."

Silence reigns for a couple of second until Min-jun runs his mouth again, eyes directed to Wu-jin slapping Dae-su's wounded tigh because the lad seems to have said something, "Jang Wu-jin.. What are you guys now?"

"Honestly? Are you asking me that question right now?" Hee-seul deadpans.

Yet, Min-jun just smirked, "He's a good guy. I hope you give him a chance."