The Exchange

The Hardest Thing You Ever Did?

"Akshara, I'm just so tired yaar. Matlab how many more tours. Bhaiya ko bolo na...kuch skip kardete hain...please." Maya whined on the way to the concert venue. 

Askhara, who had been staring out the window, looking at all of the mountains in the distance, did not so much as turn her head. These types of complaints were normal. She had gotten used to them and knew to ignore them. To let Maya get it out of her system. But this time, she asked her something...a question...a question that was both the hardest and easiest one of her entire life. 

"Acha Akshara, tum mujhe kuch batao gi?? Yeh mere liye sabse hard hai...matlab itni energy lagti hai stage pe jane me aur yeh sab acting karne mein...you tell me. What is the hardest thing you have ever done?" 

With that, Akshara looked directly into Maya's eyes. She recalled that night. The night she had stood outside of her Abhi's bathroom, waiting for him to come out...waiting to tell him that Dr. Khera was coming into town first thing in the morning to complete his surgery. Waiting to tell him that all of his dreams were about to come true. And as she stood outside the door, it took every ounce of her being to hold herself together. This would be the last night they were together. This would be the last night she fell asleep in his arms. This would be the last night they were one...

The moment he stepped outside, she ran into his arms, telling him that god had finally heard their prayers. That the moment he was able to operate again was right around the corner. That the miracle doctor was returning the next day to heal his hand. But, as she gave him what she thought would be the best news of his life, he looked at her with an empty expression on his face. "Akshu...abhi abhi Anisha humhe chod ke gayi hai....tumhare bhai pe court case chal raha hai...yeh time sahi nahi hoga...yeh theek nahi hoga..." And with that, he started walking away. 

She grabbed onto his arm, and forced him to look at her. She cupped his face ever so gently in his arms, telling him, "Abhi. Mein janti hoon...yeh bahut mushkil hai...mein janti hoon...liken humare pas time bahut kam hai...please Abhi. Please mere liye karlo yeh...please. Window kam hoti ja rahi hai...Abhi..." 

He remained silent, as if he did not have the words to respond to her. Seeing his silence, seeing how much he was broken, she could no longer control herself. She ran into the corner of their room and started sobbing. Without his hand, he was a mere ghost...and she could no longer see him like this. Yes, their Anisha had just passed away, and yes, Kairav was battling for his freedom. But, nothing....NOTHING was more important than her Abhi. Everything else could wait...everything else could continue on its on course. 

Hearing her sob like this, Abhi had come up behind her and taken her into his arms, gently kissing her forehead. After a few more moments of silence, he whispered into her ear, "Ok, Akshu. Mein ready hoon. Hum tumara sapna poora karenge kal." 

She smiled at him through her tears, nodding her head in gratitude. He had tried to ask her what Kunal had said, how she had convinced him, but she had brushed it all aside. And with that, they got ready for bed. But, while he slept off and on, ever so often opening his eyes, looking at her, and grabbing her more tightly, she laid awake the entire night...staring at him, loving him...taking in every inch of him...taking in every ounce of him...these moments would have to last her for the rest of her life. 

Usually she could not wait for morning, to start the next day, to watch the sunrise in hope of their future together. But tonight, she wished this night would never end. Not because she was not happy that Abhi would finally get his identity back...but because she was mourning the loss of her own identity...and that identity was not her music...it was him. 

When morning finally came, they got ready together, prayed, and went downstairs hand in hand where Manjari had breakfast waiting for them. Anand, Harsh, and Mahima were at the hospital already, settling some details with Dr. Khera. Akshu asked Abhi if she could feed him...Abhi told her she did not have to ask. With that, she cherished every single bite he took out of her hands...she cherished every second he looked at her with all of the love in her eyes. But, as she feared, she received a call from Dr. Khera while they were sitting at the table. Right as she answered, he said, "Akshara don't say anything. Just listen. A cab will be waiting for you a few meters away from the hospital. Leave as soon as you can after Abhimaniyu goes into surgery. Leave and never look back. I have already given instructions to the driver. He will take you to Maya. And I will meet you there. Now say wrong number and hang up the phone." And that is exactly what she did. 

Once they reached the hospital, it was time to bid her final goodbye. She did not care about their family who was watching them...about anything else. She kissed every part of his face, embraced him as hard as she could. And no matter how hard she tried to control her tears, she could not....and she would not. She had to let herself let it all out...she had to let herself live for one last time. She only stopped when she saw the concerned look on Abhi's face...she could not pressure him, give him more stress before his surgery. So, she suppressed her tears as much as she could. He reassured her, telling her that he would be back before she knew it...to wait for him...that the pain would soon be over. But little did he know, their pain was just beginning. 

She watched him going into the OT, turning his head to look at her with his most beautiful eyes. She savored every inch of him...she took in his face...plastered it into her memory. And with that, she turned around, telling Manjari that she needed some air, that she was going on a walk. Manjari had tried hard to convince her to sit in the mandir with her instead. She had also tried hard to go with her...but somehow, she managed to convince her to stay back. Before she went outside, she went into his cabin...the same cabin where they had fallen in love, the same cabin where they had fought numerous times, the same cabin where they had been one...together. Every corner of it brought back the happiest moments of her life...as every moment with him was all she could have ever dreamt of. Pulling herself back together, she found the card and flowers she had asked to be delivered earlier this morning. Dr. Khera had told her to leave without saying a word, but she owed it to him to give an explanation. No matter how unfair, no matter how unsettling it would be...so, she told him the truth...that she was leaving for the sake of their love...but that did not mean their love was ending...she put it all into the letter, and headed for the door. 

***

"Akshara, Akshara???? Kuch toh bolo yaar..." Maya said tugging on her arm. 

Seeing that they were almost at the venue, Akshara responded..."Maya venue aane wala hai...chalo apna bag lelo..." 

"Akshara...what is the hardest thing you have ever done yaar? At least sometimes answer my questions na." 

"This, Maya. This is the hardest thing I have ever done."