The Exchange

Into the Fire

He helped her sit up and embraced her yet again. As if no amount of time that he held her in his arms would ever be enough...no amount of time would ever make up for the moments they had spent a part. Neither one of them uttered a single word. In that moment, no words could have done justice to the emotions swirling within their hearts...so they did not even try...as they did not have to. As everything she wanted to say, he understood, and everything he wanted to say, she understood. 

After a while, he pulled her back and looked at her face, taking in every part of her that he had missed in the past year. But, when he looked into her eyes, he saw a ghost of the person who once carried the happiness of the entire world within her soul. That happiness was gone...entirely dissipated. And when he reached to her face to tuck her hair behind her ear...his most natural instinct, what he saw shattered his heart into a thousand small pieces. He knew how precious her hair was...how she so lovingly oiled it....how she used to ask him to take care of it...how more so than her, it was him who adored it....as if he had such a natural, such a deep connection with it that his hands could never stay away. 

But today, the hair that once flowed so beautifully down her entire back was gone...the hair that once danced, skipped behind her everywhere she went was no more...he grasped what little pieces were left into his hands and began to sob once again. "Akshu...tumne yeh...tumne yeh kya kia?? Yeh....tumhare bal??" 

And as she watched him breaking down in front of her, beginning to ask the questions she knew she would be unable to answer, she felt reality returning to her. The moment she had laid eyes on him, it was as if she had been transported into a distant galaxy where only the two of them existed...and she had let her heart accept that as her truth. But, now, she began to realize that this was no more...that they were no more...that perhaps they would never be able to be together. A whirlwind of thoughts...a whirlwind of fears rushed through her mind. If Dr. Khera found out her Abhi was here, how would he react? She had seen the desperation he had for his sister when they first agreed on the exchange, and she had seen it every day since. What if in his desperation he hurt her Abhi? What if her Abhi suffered yet again because she was breaking her promise...breaking the exchange...breaking her vow to never see him again. She could not let that happen. She could not let the past year have been for nothing. She needed to leave immediately, get far away as possible...she needed to return to the two people whom she was sure would be waiting for her by now. She needed to keep her Abhi safe...even if that meant spending the rest of her life living with the memories of these past few minutes, keeping them close to her heart, holding them forever. 

Her hair still in his hands, she began to pull away. "Abhi....maniyu...mujhe jana hoga...."

Her words stabbed him in his gut almost as painfully as her letter had a year ago. And as she got up from the ground, beginning to step back, he grabbed her, pushing her against a tree. "Akshu...I mean Akshara. Mujhe bas ek sawal ka jawab dedo...ek...kyun? Kyun Akshara kyun?? Kya humara pyaar itna kamzor hai...kamzor tha??? Kyun??? KYUN??? Kya tum kisi problem mein ho? Mein hoon na. Mein hoon tumhe bachane kilye... Yeh tumne apna kya hal bana liya hai??? Akshara BATAO." 

As she looked at him sobbing, yelling, screaming...begging her for answers, she felt her soul leave her once again. This was not her Abhi...the Abhi she once knew. His face had become entirely lifeless, as if he had lost every purpose he ever had. And, his beard covered more than half of the lower half of his face...as if he was trying to hide what was underneath...as if he was trying to hide how badly she had broken him. Seeing the tears dripping from he cheeks, she could not stop herself no matter how hard she resisted. She gently wiped them away, wanting to tell him everything...wanting to tell him how much she loved him, how she had to do this to make sure he got his identity back...how it had destroyed her to see him crumbling because of something she caused...how she could not bare the fact that due to her, he had lost his hand...that she had to have been the one to return it to him...that not a moment had passed in the entire year when she had not lived in anticipation of seeing him once again, holding him once again. But, instead of saying all of this, she simply told him to let her go, that she had to leave. 

"Theek hai. Toh phir jao tum. Jitna bhag na hai bhag lo...liken yeh yaad rakhna...jitna bhi bhago gi na tum...tum mujko hi pao gi...kyunki mein woh insaan hoon...mein woh ehsaas hoon jo tumhare dil mein rehta hai...bhag lo..jao...LEAVE." He screamed, now pushing her away from him. The anger started boiling up inside of him... what happened to their wedding vows? What happened to all of those promises of trust? That she could not even tell him...her Abhi what was happening? That she could not even utter a single word? That instead of telling him to take her away, that instead of confiding in him, she was pushing him away once again? 

And as she started walking away, he realized how dark it was outside...how they were standing in the depths of the night. He ran behind her, grabbing her arm to stop her. "Akshara, mein tumhe chod doon ga. Batao kahan jana hai...chalo..." He said, in a slightly calmer tone. 

"Mein chali jaon gi" She responded, as distantly, as coldly as she could...when all her heart wanted was to run away with him forever and ever. But, he was not going to take no for an answer...he chased behind her, telling her that wherever she was going, he would follow her until he knew she was okay. She knew her Abhi...she knew he would not give him. So, she let him follow her, her soul resting easy, knowing that he was behind her, knowing that he was protecting her...knowing that he was so close to her. She could not let him find out where she was staying...so, she walked to another hotel in the distance, turning to him and saying..."Meri manzil aa gayi hai..tum ja sakte ho..." 

He looked at her bitterly, painfully, brokenly... and as she was leaving him, he grabbed onto her arm. "Wait. Ek minute." As he had been following her, his eyes had been fixated on her hoodie...the same hoodie he had given her for her birthday close to exactly a year ago...the same hoodie that he had told her to use to find herself...the same hoodie that he had told her she could hide in, but never from him...and now, he realized...this hoodie was what took her from him...she used his very gift to leave him, to hurt him, to take away every ounce of life he had in his soul.

He pulled it off of her, crumpling it into his hands as if it was the most disgusting thing he had ever held. 

She looked at him in horror, trying to pull it back..."Abhi, Abhi please...Abhi nahi...mujhe dedo...Abhi..." she she said desperately. Little did he know, she had worn this hoodie for almost every minute of every day in the past year....as in it, she had envisioned his arms around her, always near her, always holding her. It was the closest thing she had to him...it was her comfort...she would not let him take it away from her. 

But, he was in no state to listen to her. He forced her to let go of his arm and walked away into the distance...and as she saw him fading away, not even turning back once, she remembered all of those times he had left..all of those times he had left her standing behind him....all of those times he had left only for her to run back into his arms. 

And as he walked, he cried, he sobbed, he shattered. It took every ounce of strength he had to not turn around, to not pick her up and take her with him. But, he knew that he was walking away in anticipation of the day she would come back to him....of the day she would finally walk alongside him once again. 

On his way back to his hotel, he saw a campfire that people had left burning on the edge of the woods. He looked at the hoodie in his hands and tossed it into the fire...he stood there watching it burn into ashes, watching it turn into dust. The days of his Akshu hiding from him were over. The days of her silence were over. The days of them being a part were over. No matter what was going on, no matter what she was trying to keep from him, he would find out, he would discover...