I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 19 - Hang In There.

Y/n's pov

Agents came into my cell and dragged me out. Again. It was the same routine everyday. For days, weeks even. I have no idea how long I'd been here but it felt like forever.

They didn't brainwash me and turn me back into that assassin again, this time. The icy blue liquid they injected in me gave me some form of powers. I can heal others when they are injured I can't, however, heal myself. They tried to get me to and it just didn't work. I don't even heal any faster than I used to.

My routine was the same everyday. Agents came into my cell and dragged me out into another room. Pierce would shoot or stab one of his agents and get me to heal them, I didn't want to, I wanted to let them die but I learnt my lesson last time I let the agent die.

The wounds pierce inflicted on his men got worse as time pasted. Trying to see the extent of my powers. There was something wrong with the formula they used on me. They wouldn't tell me what was wrong with it but they had to keep doing tests and changing the liquid. They dosed me with about four more injections.

After they were done testing my powers they threw back into my cell, most of the time a few agents stayed behind to beat the ever loving shit out of me. They hardly gave me food, once every few days from what I could tell, and they would hardly let me sleep, if I did fall asleep they always got an agent to wake me up. It was as if they were punishing me like it was my fault my ability's weren't working to their liking.

I soon gave up on any hope of Bucky or the avengers coming to get me. I don't blame them at all for not coming to get me. Part of me says they didn't want me on there team so they decided to leave me here, but I don't want to think like that, another part of me believes they just simply can't find me or get to me. I just want this hell to be over with. I wanted one of the agents to get carried away one night and just end it all.

Buckys pov

I walked back into y/n room yet again. I've been staying here for the weeks she's been gone. We have had no leads whatsoever, we are getting nowhere. And none of them will just let me storm every hydra base on the damn planet.

I got into her room and saw her little almost brown coloured tabby cat pacing the room like he has been since y/n got taken. The poor thing hardly sleeps now, he will only eat when he desperately needs it, he tries to stay as close to me as possible at all times. He cries for her to come back most nights.

I pick up the hoodie y/n stole from nat again, her scent is almost gone completely from it now, which is sad, it makes this whole situation more real. I gently pick Alfie up and wrap him up in y/n's hoodie. I curl up on y/n's bed and hold Alfie tightly to my chest.

I've been sleeping in her room every night. Well, the nights I can sleep if I can't I just stay in her room snuggled on her bed me and Alfie reassuring each other.

Every time I do sleep, I wake up from nightmares. They are all the nightmares of everything I, or the winter soldier, did to y/n when we were at hydra together. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for letting her get taken again.

If y/n comes back she sure as hell won't forgive me this time. She will hate me, and she has every damn right to. If she doesn't hate me if we get her back then she's a fool. She doesn't deserve anything that's happened to her. Life has treated her so cruel, how could one be so nasty to another. Especially one as innocent as y/n.

Steve's pov

I've hardly spoke to Bucky these past few weeks. Don't get me wrong I've tried. I really have. I just can't get through to him. He won't let me, he's shutting me out, he's shutting everyone out. We need to get y/n back. And fast.

I walk back into the living room where almost everyone else is. We all miss y/n and want to get her back just as much as anyone else, but Bucky definitely took it harshly. Everyone has been so down since she's been gone, she was so effortlessly the life of the party. We didn't realise how much of an impact she had on all of us. Hell even Loki wasn't himself with her gone. I've caught him secretly doing his firework trick to himself while letting a sad smile slip across his face.

"Any luck?" I ask Tony who has just come out of his lab with Bruce. "Nothing, there's literally fuck all. It's like she just vanished. We have no leads. No clue. We've got nothing." Tony replies seemingly fed up with this whole charade. And quite frankly so am I, so are the rest of us. We just want her back, we have no idea what hell hydra is throwing at her.

"We will find her Tony, I know you've cared about her since you found her." I try to reassure him. "Will we?" He snaps at me. "What the fuck do we have? Go  on, tell me one thing we have. We haven't even come close, we are running out of places to look, and as much as I want to, we can't tear the whole world down to find her because apparently that's not acceptable! So you tell me capsicle, what the hell do we have to go off? What the hell do we do now? We have nothing!" Tony yells across the room at me, he looks as if he's about to break down at any given moment.

"Tony, come on. Calm down. We're definitely not going to find her by standing around arguing." Nat tried to calm everyone down. "She's right Stark, we need to think about this. We will figure it out okay? We will find her." Clint jumps in also wanting to keep the peace at bay.

It's amazing how one girl can have such an impact on everyone here in just a short amount of time. I think Tony blames himself a little too much for her getting taken due to the mere fact that F.R.I.D.A.Y. didn't pick up any intruders. I know Bucky blames himself because he left her alone for ten minutes while he got a shower. No one should blame themselves though. It's hydra, if they wanted her they were going to get her, they don't care if innocents get hurt, why would they? They just care about the mission. If y/n getting taken has taught me anything, it's that we will stop at nothing to take hydra down the first chance we get.

Hang in there y/n, we're coming for you.