I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 34 - Tony.

"Doll wake up!"

I jolted awake, unsure of where I am. I threw myself off Buckys bed as I felt his hand on my back and the panic set in. I was confused, the dream, it must have been a dream. I mean, it felt so real. Hell, it was real. But thats not now. Its not Bucky, not anymore.

I tried desperately to gather my surroundings and figure out where I am. I tried to hard to convince myself that im safe. But no matter how much I told myself that im safe and everything is okay, I couldn't calm down. Maybe i don't believe that I truly am safe.

I feel stuck, everything is blurry, probably because of the tears leaving my eyes. I cant see well enough to figure out what's going on. I feel someone touch me causing me to scramble further into the corner of the room that I found, my breathing gets heavier and I panic even more. I feel trapped in my own head. I cant convince myself that im safe, i can't focus my sight on something to try and help my calm down. And I don't dare to try and talk.

There is someone talking, I'm sure of it. I just cant understand what's being said. I feel trapped i cant stay here like this. I feel someone touch my arm again, I panic even more and before I know it I dive up and bolt out of the door I found. I managed to see a hallway and run down it. I run into something hard on the way but I choose to ignore it as I carry on running.

Buckys pov

I watched as she ran out of my bedroom door. Ive no idea what just happened, she usually snaps out of her nightmares fairly quickly. Even is she doesn't, she still usually lets me hold her her until she does. This time she didn't though, she just cried and screamed every time I touched her. She didn't even react to me talking to her.

Just then, Steve walks into my room, his face filled with worry. "What the hell happened? She ran into me and she didn't even seems to notice, she just got up and ran while crying. Did something happen? I shouted after her but she ignored me." Steve informs me. My heart sank at the thought of what her nightmare was about. Either hydra really did a number on her after I left, or she was dreaming about me. Either way, i did that to her.

"She had a nightmare." I tell him coldly. He furrows his eyebrows slightly in confusion. "Is that it? Because I have never seen her react like that before. Its like she wasn't even there." He asks me, more concern lining his voice. I sit on the ends of the bed staring blankly at my wall. A tear falls down the side of my face. Steve's face drops, he knows i don't cry often. "Jesus Buck, talk to me. What happened?" He asks in concern.

I turn my head slowly to look at him. "Me" I reply simply. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Don't you see? I happened. I did that to her. I told you when you first brought her here that this was a bad idea. But you didn't listen! Now look what's happened!" I shout at him.

"How is this your fault Buck?" He asks my softly, not reacting to me shouting at him. "Her nightmare. It was either about hydra after I left. Or she was having a nightmare about me, what I did to her. Either way I did that to her. She shut down completely, crying in the corner of my room and screaming every time I touched her. I fucking did that to her Steve! Me!" I once again shout at him, my voice shaky. "She doesn't blame you Buck. She doesn't hate you or hold anything against you. She loves you".

Steve's face contorts into a look of sympathy. He pulls me into a brotherly hug and lets me breakdown on his shoulder. We briefly hear Sam shouting for Alfie and assume someone has found y/n. I decided it would be best to give y/n some space, especially if she was having a nightmare about me, i don't want to scare her. Steve offers to keep me company but I tell him that I'll be oaky and need to he alone for a bit.

Tony's pov.   

I watched as y/n ran past my lab ignoring all of her surroundings. I followed her as she got outside. She looked as if she took a sigh of relief. Her knees buckled under her as she fell to the floor where she uncontrollably sobbed into the grass.

I cautiously made my way over to her. Careful not to startle her. "Y/n?" I said as I edged closer to the poor girl. "Y/n can you hear me?" I crouched down next to her. I gently pleased my hand on her arm to show her im here. She let out a little scream as soon as my hand touched her skin. I quickly retracted my hand while I thought of what to do.

"Y/n sweetheart, your okay. Its Tony im here." I tell her softly. She doesn't respond to me when I talk to her. I decide what to do, while it may not be the best idea, it's the only one ive got. I sit cross legged on the grass next to her. I softly wrap my arms around her and pull her close to my chest.

She screams and squirms around in my grip. I keep her held securely against my chest. Sam runs out of the building in a panic along with nat. "What's going on?" Sam asks worriedly. Nats face is mimicking the same look of panic that Sam is wearing on his own face. "I don't know shes completely shut down. Sam go get Alfie, he should be able to help." I instruct him. He doesn't miss a beat, he turns around and runs back into the compound in search of Alfie.

Nat crouches down next to y/n and takes hold of one of her hands. This causes y/n to start trying to move away again. Nat lets go of y/n's hand and just sits next to us. "Your okay y/n. Your safe." I softly coo. Nat goes back inside after deciding that y/n's more likely to calm down quicker if there's less of us.

Sam reappears as he runs back outside with a little cat in his arms. As soon as Alfie spots a distressed y/n on the floor he is quick to dive out of Sam's arms and bolt his was over to y/n and I.

As Alfie reaches us, he give me a cautious glare. Almost as if he's warning me not to hurt her. He walked closer to y/n and nudged her arms as he snuggled into her. He pressed his head into her chin and started purring lightly. He put his paws on her chest and started needing her gently. Occasionally he'd place his paw on her face and rub his head against y/n's.

Eventually y/n stopped screaming and her panicking was starting to calm down. She was curled up on my lap, her head snuggled into me. I carefully placed my hand on her head and started to stroke her hair. Alfie was still calming her down while i was whispering calming phrases to her, assuring her thats shes safe.

I sat with y/n for a while. Soon enough she stopped crying, and then she stopped panicking. Once she realised she was safe she embraced me in a tight hug. She sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her head into my shoulder. I held her for a little while longer just sat outside.

"Would you like to come sit in my lab with me? Its pretty quiet up there and it will only be me and maybe Bruce. Alfie can come too." I asked her knowing that she probably wouldn't be up for people right now. "Yes please" she whispered quietly. "Come on then. I'll even put that supernatural show on that you like" I told her with a little laugh. She smirked a little and nodded in agreement. We both got up and she clung tightly to my arm as we headed back into the building. I made sure to avoid people on the way to the lab, for y/n's sake.