I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 28 - Your Okay.

As soon as we got back to the compound, I went straight for my bedroom. I shut the door behind me, trying to be quick so no one would come in. The lock was, of course, still broken. And so, I grabbed a pillow and blanket off my bed before running to the bathroom and locking my door behind me, Bucky fixed the bathroom lock shortly after Wanda broke it. If I can't lock my bedroom door I'll sure as hell lock this one.

So that's what I did, I locked myself in my bedroom for a while. I've had the same routine all week. I'd stay in my room all day, ignoring the selection of voices that came to talk to me throughout the day. I'd try and sleep at around 12am and constantly wake up near 3am from nightmares, thankfully the bathroom was more soundproof that the initial bedroom, I'd then go and train until 5/6am occasionally grabbing some some food on my way back up to my room.

Everyday people would try and talk to me, get me to come out of the bathroom. I liked it when Sam would come in, he'd tell my all about his day, he didn't beg me to leave just told me about how his day was going, what he did. Truth be told, he did tell me it would be better if I was there and I have to say, I do agree with him, I just don't want the awkward conversations with everyone. Bucky came by extremely often, I was so tempted to open the door and run into his arms and let him hold me, but it's better this way. He did, however, replace my bedroom lock for me, but I didn't use it. I just stayed cooped up in the bathroom.

That was, until tonight. I woke up just after 1am with an awful feeling in my stomach, I was sweaty but yet I was so cold. I felt too weak to get up to go get Bucky, I crawled my way over to the bathroom door and banged my fist against it as hard as my tired body would let me. I couldn't even fathom what was happening before I needed to lunged myself at the toilet to throw up in it. I'd hardly eaten anything the past few days, so all my body was throwing up was tiny bits of food, a lot of water and anything else it could find. It felt like my organs were trying to crawl up the inside of my body and violently haul themselves out of my mouth. It wasn't pleasant to say the least.

Just then I heard my bedroom door being opened and someone carefully walk in. "Y/n? Are you okay" it was Steve. "Ste-" I started to say before I needed to throw up again. I'm sure Steve heard it because he rushed to the bathroom door. "Shit, y/n are you okay?" I hear him ask from the other side of the door. "No" I barely manage to get out between heaves. "Y/n can I break your door if you can't unlock it?" He asks me. At least he checked with me first I suppose. "Ye" I manage to say trying to catch my breath while leaning over the toilet.

Just then the door breaks open and Steve is quick to kneel by my side and place his hand on my back. "How can I help y/n? Tell me what I need to do." Steve instructs me. "Bucky" I say just before I start throwing up again. Man it sucks not being able to say more than one word. "Would you like me to get Bucky for you y/n?" He asks. I don't dare try and talk not wanting any unnecessary heaving, so I just nod my head in response. "Are you sure your going to be okay alone while I get him?" He checks with me, trying to make sure I'm okay. I just nod my head in response again. "Okay I won't be long" he tells me before running out the room.

Steve's pov

My heart breaks for y/n seeing her like that, it makes me wonder how long she has felt unwell for, or what caused her to feel like this and start spewing her guts up in her bathroom. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to see her after she's refused to leave her room, I just wish it was under better circumstances.

I dart out of y/n's room and across the hall to Buckys room, I don't even knock I just burst through his door startling him awake. "The fuck" he questions me as he rolls over and sits up to look at me. "It's y/n" I state simply. "What? What's wrong?" He asks looking concerned. "I'm not sure she's not well as she asked for you" I explain. He darts out of the room and straight into y/n's he didn't bother putting a top on so he was just in his sweatpants.

Y/n's pov

It wasn't long before I heard Bucky bolt into my room and straight for the bathroom. Unfortunately I couldn't greet him with a smile or a 'hi' just the unpleasant sight of me throwing up, again. It seems like it doesn't want to stop, I think it's over and try to relax then it starts again. Bucky rushes over to my side, holding my hair up out of my face and rubbing soothing patterns on my back.

"Oh doll" he says with a sympathetic smile. I finally stop throwing up, for now at least, and Bucky hands me some tissue to wipe my mouth with. After I do that I lean into his chest and let him hold me. "Are you okay doll" he asks me while cradling me against his chest. "Yeah" I say as I nod incase he didn't hear me. Steve walks back in and hands me a bottle of water I thank him as I take it of him taking small sips at time.

We didn't move of the bathroom floor. My stomach still felt unsettled, I kept taking small sips from the bottle of water trying to get the grim taste to leave my mouth. It wasn't long before I got that horrible feeling again, I shoved myself away from Bucky and scrambled back to the toilet just in time before I once again threw up all the water I had just consumed.

I, once again, couldn't stop throwing up. I started to panic a little at the fact I couldn't do anything. "It won't stop" I said to Bucky, tears starting to prick my eyes. "I know doll. It's okay. I'm here." Bucky coos to me. I started to panic to the point where I tried to hold it in to stop it because I didn't want to keep doing it. Bucky seemed to pick up on my panic and my attempt to hold it.

"Doll, you need to let it go, you'll be okay" Bucky tells me sternly. I just shake my head and look at him with pleading eyes. I see him glance up at Steve, who is still stood on the door way. "Doll please, you'll make it worse if you hold it in." Bucky begs me. I couldn't hold it in any longer regardless, so I let it all go in the toilet again. Tears started leaking from my eyes. "That's it doll. Your okay."

After that round was over, I was exhausted. Bucky gave me another drink, which I cautiously took a sip off before handing it back to him. I rested my arm across the toilet seat and put my head on my arm. With Bucky sorting my hair out and stroking my back I soon fell asleep leaning in front of the toilet.

Buckys pov

I realised y/n was passed out on the toilet seat, at least she was finally asleep I suppose. "I'm gonna put her in bed and then clean up in here, thanks for looking out for her" I tell Steve as I look up at him. "You get her to bed and stay with her, she obviously wants and needs you right now, you stay with her and I'll clean up in here" he offers me. "Are you sure?" I ask him since him must be tired by now. "I'm sure." "Thanks" I thank him before I stand up.

I check the time, it was just after 2am. "Shit, she's been at this for like an hour" I inform Steve. "Jesus, hopefully she'll feel okay in the morning." Steve says. "I hope so." I agree. I pick y/n up bridal style, she has some puke down her top, I changer her out of her clothes and into one of my tops that she has lying around her room.

I lie her in bed, place a blanket over her and scoot myself up next to her wrapping my flesh arm under her head and I draped metal arm lazily over her side. I made sure to hold her close to my chest. To protect her.