I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 29 - It's Killing You?

Y/n's pov

I awoke suddenly from my sleep, yet again feeling a twinge on my stomach. I lay on my back and decided to look at my phone to check the time, it's a little after 7am. Shit, I slept for a while. I definitely needed it.

I feel the urge to throw up again, I try to wriggle out of Buckys arms. Damn, this metal arm is a lot heavier that it looks. "Buck" I almost shout at him. He stirs awake, "what's up doll?" He asks me as he sits up. I go to move of the bed to get to the bathroom but end up throwing up all over Bucky, myself and my bed. "Sorry" I blurt out the moment it stops for a second. "Don't be sorry doll, it's okay." He comforts me as I continue to puke all over us.

After I finally stopped and felt like there was no more and reassuring Bucky that I was finished, he helps me take my top off and tells me to go wait on his bed for him. I don't bother putting any of my own clothes on, since Buckys door is directly opposite mine anyway.

Not long after I sit in the middle of his bed to wait for him as instructed, he comes in the the room and goes over to the bathroom to start running me a bath, "I'll be back in a sec doll, just gonna get your bedding off so your room doesn't smell like it." He tells me with a smile. "Buck you don't have to-" I try to protest. "I know doll. I know." He cuts me off by reassuring me. I give him a smile of appreciation as he walks out of the room and back into mine.

Once he's finished that, he gets back into his room and tells me to go into the bathroom. I have to admit, Bucky does run some lovely baths. I got in the bath and he sat down next to me. He helped me wash my hair and relax a little. It did make me feel better, a lot better actually. The long, relaxing bath most definitely helped. I knew exactly why this was happening. I decided it would be best to tell Bucky before he found out from someone else.

"Buck" I say as I break eye contact and look down at the water. "Yeah?" He asks me in his soft, soothing voice. "I know why I feel like this" I confess. "Can you tell me?" He asks. "Yeah, but can we get in your bed first?" I question. He agrees and passes me a towel while helping me get out. He passes me another of his shirts to get changed into in which I gladly accept. There was just something about wearing his clothes. I loved it.

After I was changed me and Bucky got on his bed. We were under the covers, but facing each other and he was holding both of my hands in his own. "So what is it doll?" He asks me. "I'm gonna tell you. But I need you to promise me you won't get mad at me okay?" I direct him. "Okay, I won't get mad at you" he promises.

"Okay, so. When hydra took me again. They injected me with this liquid stuff I don't know, but it was and icy blue colour. Anyway that gave me this healing ability thing. I can heal anyone else, within reason. But I can't heal myself. And as it turns out my body is trying to reject the serum, hydra gave me like five doses of this shit to try and fix this problem with the serum as well as another but that's not important. Anyway, the more they gave it me, the longer it took my body to process that it doesn't like it. Now I'm not getting it anymore, my body is trying to get rid of it, it's not used to it. Hydra basically gave me more doses as a short fix for this problem." I explain to Bucky.

"So- so what? It's killing you?" He asks as he runs his hand through his hair. "The initial serum? No. My body is just trying to find away to get rid of it since it's a foreign liquid. I just need rest and time for my body to process that I'm stuck with it. But..." I asked him. "But what?" He questions. I let out a deep sigh. "But... it's not gonna be fun. My body is gonna try and reject it and react badly to it in whatever way it sees fit to try and eject it. So it's not gonna be pretty and it's gonna be painful." I confess.

"Is there nothing else we can do?" He asks. Desperately wanting any other solution that doesn't cause me pain. "Unfortunately not." I tell him. "Buck, you don't have to be there. I can do this on my own." I explain. "No. Y/n no. I will not let you go through this alone. I will hate seeing you in pain and not being able to help but I would rather be there to hold your hand than nowhere near you knowing you are suffering alone, okay?" He informs me. I can't help but smile at him. "Okay" I agree.

Bucky holds me in his arms for a little while longer, cradling me and rubbing my back before I eventually drift off back to sleep.