Monday, August 18
They say that when a person is too in love with someone, they do not see the wrong in them. Iyong tipo na kahit mali ang ginagawa na sa iyo, na kahit alam mong napapagod ka na minsan sa mga ipinapakita niya ay patuloy mo pa ring minamahal. Na kahit alam mong kung saan na patungo ang inyong nasimulan, kahit alam mong ikakasakit mo iyon ay sumugal ka pa rin, umaasang maaayos pa ang lahat.
I am so lost with how he treated me at first. Sobrang gaan ng mga galaw. Parang protektado ako. Parang walang lugar ang delikado sa buhay ko sa tuwing naroon siya. He was so gentleman, perfect exemplar of a fictional characters in the stories I have read, too good for me to the point that I asked myself if I do really deserve to be treated this way.
Siya ang unang taong minahal. Siya ang unang taong pinagkatiwalaan, pinagsabihan ng mga plano sa buhay kapag nakapagtapos ako, nakarinig lahat ng mga hinaing ko at higit sa lahat, siya ang unang taong nakapag paiyak sa akin. The one I never thought would hurt me. The one I planned my future with.
It's easy to fall in love knowing that you are governed all by your heart alone. Iyong parang binabalewala mo na lang ang sinasabi ng utak mo palagi. Iyong puso mo na lang ang sinusunod palagi.
That's why I ended up being hurt. Too much hurt in my whole existence. Ibang-iba ang sakit na dinulot nito sa akin. My intentions were so pure, genuine and I never thought of hurting him because I don't want him to give me reasons to hurt me, too. I considered his feelings, but he did nothing to mine in return.
Sa una lang magaling sa lahat. But I chose to continue because I wanted to prove to myself that I can make things better for him. I can do things better for him, for our relationship to continue even though it is starting to sink.
Napagod ako. Umabot sa puntong bumigay ang katawan ko sa pagmamahal sa kanya, sa pag-iintindi kahit na alam ko mismo na hindi na ako.
It was night. Too dark and raining. He set the date and time. I arrived on time because I don't want him to wait for an hour just because I am too slow to move, to prepare myself. Eksaktong oras akong dumating pero naghintay ako roon sa wala. Wala akong payong na dala kaya nakatayo ako roon buong oras kakahintay sa presensya niya.
I keep on texting him. I even called him multiple times just to confirm if he'll arrive or not. Maikli ang pasensya ko pero pagdating sa kanya ay hinahabaan ko ito. And he keeps on saying 'wait' although it's already midnight. Sa huli, isang pagsabi lang ng 'sorry' ay naging okay na lahat.
Akala ko ay may kung anong ginawa ito o pinuntahan. I thought he's having this something, but I was wrong.
Dahil noong gabing iyon ay siyang pagkaalam niya ng isang malaking balita. I am so deeply hurt upon hearing that. Sinabi niya iyon sa akin. I did not hold him from then. From the start of knowing that he'll have his biggest responsibility, I immediately stopped what's going on between us.
Masakit. Hindi ko matanggap kasi akala ko ay ako na. Hindi pa pala. He cheated on me while we're inside a relationship thing. He made the biggest mistake. I trusted him so much but he broke it easily.
If there is a chance that he'll read this letter of mine, I hope he's having his peaceful day or night or time. I hope he knows that whenever I remember those times that we're spending each other's time together by walking somewhere, I treasured it with all my heart because I know that what he showed there was the truest of the true.
Nakaukit pa rin lahat sa isipan ko ang mga iyon. Nakatatak pa rin sa puso ko. The first time we held our hands, the first time we kissed, the first time we went somewhere to release our stress because of too much activities in school, the first time we came home late because we loved watching the sunset by the beach near the school, and our first time saying I love you to each other.
