To Become A Star

Chapter 23: A Producer's Best Dream

Dear Diary, I have had the suckiest day since I broke my nose.

Ms. Launer has suggested to start "keeping a record of my day" and times where I feel very strongly about something. What she meant to say was she wanted me to start keeping a diary, and I think today is the best day to start one.

I was accustomed to being in a recording studio, but Cameron wasn't. He was almost shaking with nerves, and I was really hoping he wouldn't pass out or throw up.

We were there to record a single called 'Shot of Love,' the song that caused us to go viral on YouTube. I wasn't really sure why we were recording this song since it was only written to have a guitar, and the entire thing was already on YouTube.

I suppose it was a marketing strategy, but it seemed a bit redundant to just create a higher quality version of the same song people have been listening to for a while now.

At the very least there should be another song released with it. I also didn't get why I was recording a song with Cameron. He wasn't signed as a recording artist, and explicitly stated that he doesn't want to have a career in singing. And if they really wanted to release some music, why not release a song that wasn't already all over the internet?

Me and Cameron had ten songs that they had rejected for being too "mature" despite them letting me sing a song about a man slowly dying as he proclaims his everlasting love for his wife on national television.

If they wanted to think I would continue to be popular by real singing kiddie music, then they've got the wrong idea. My most viewed solo's, duets, and trios were won with scary or mature concepts, not the ones where I was doing musical theater or simple tricks. And while 'Shot Of Love' is the song that made me popular, my performance on Ellen had way more views and positive comments.

"Hello," said the producer, Mike. He was the one who had produced the "official" instrumental of the song. To be honest, I was probably the biggest hater of it. He had added in all these different synths and instruments to a very simple and light song, turning it into some kind of pathetic version of 'Misery Business' by Paramore.

It was especially weird because 'Shot Of Love' was a love song, not a revenge one. I much preferred the version me and Cameron had made together.

"Good morning," Cameron and I greeted. Just because I didn't like what he's done with our song didn't mean that I couldn't be nice to him. "Have you guys heard the instrumental?" He asked.

"Yes," I said. "Great, that makes today so much easier. I want to start with Cameron, if that's okay." After a few minutes of warming up our voices and getting situated, Cameron was in the booth.

I didn't pay much attention as he recorded his lines, I was more worried about how I was going to sound against the harsh instrumental, which in my opinion was a valid concern considering how terrible the end result sounded.

The way we had written the song was to compliment the sound of the guitar, not all the other stuff that Mike had added to the instrumental. It might make my voice sound strange.

Once Cameron was done it was my turn. I dreaded the next two hours of my life as I stepped into the booth, pulling the headphones over my ear. "We're going to start from your part in the pre chorus," Mike said. I gave him a thumbs up, waiting for the voice of Cameron to infiltrate my ears. "Throw away all your sorrows. C'mon and live for tomorrow."

It was a simple line to sing, but the inclusion of drums and synths on the track made me sound out of place. Did I mention he tuned the guitar into an electric one? It was absolutely insane, the original song was written for an acoustic guitar.

"Ooooh, she doesn't sound good." I could hear Mike whisper this, which irritated me. He had the audacity to say I sounded bad after he just completely mucked up the song me and Cameron spent weeks perfecting.  "Are you sure you're ready to record? Maybe you should take a few minutes and warm up."

Those were the kinds of comments I had to work with for the majority of the afternoon. Mike kept saying that I would need some serious autotune and a lot of editing would be used to make us sound the way he envisioned, which he wouldn't need to do if he hadn't completely ruined the instrumental to our song.

I could only be glad that he eventually stopped making me do so many takes of the same lines and just decided it would be better if I sang once and then he would "fix it."

Unfortunately for me, I still had to thank him at the end of our session. Even though he completely destroyed any chance of me having a good day now that he's soured my mood my mom had raised me with manners, so I gave a strained "thank you" and left with Cameron quicker than a fly does after sensing you're going to hit it with a swatter.

Now, I was still annoyed after arriving home, so it should be no surprise to anyone when I immediately went to go be alone in my room. Shockingly, when you want to be alone people never want to give you that satisfaction.

First it was my mom asking if I wanted to go to the park as if I didn't have only an hour before my first dance class of the day. Seriously, I get that she rarely is home anymore but did she really forget all the dancing I do? She was the one paying for it, so you would think she'd remember it.

Next it was Giuliana asking if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends. Now, I couldn't fault her for wanting me to hang out with her, but if I'm sweating, panting like a horse, and looking like I'm about to mean mug anyone who comes in the general vicinity of me, what makes you think that I want to play games with your friends?

I told her no, and went back to feeling miserable.

Then it was my dad, who was insisting that we have a family dinner even though my mom was out, somewhere? I don't even really know, she's never really home often anymore.

I really just wanted to go in my room and do some reading, maybe even some writing considering that I needed to find some kind of justice for the murdering of Cameron and I's song. But because we're a family, I sucked it up and ate dinner with them.

After that I went back to my room, thinking I would just watch some tv and try to ignore my bitter thoughts. To the surprise of probably everyone in the stratosphere if they were in my position, I found an article that had a small snippet of 'Shot of Love,' and some of the comments Mike had made during the recording.

Do I know how they got a snippet of the song, or about five minutes worth of comments made by Mike plus the time to put that article together in about 6 hours? No, but at the very least I was happy about all the commenters who were agreeing with me that the instrumental was horrid.

So why am I, one day later, writing all this in a very upset tone? Because Ms. Hassan called Caroline and told her that they were cancelling the single because of all the bad reviews it was getting, which means that I just spent the entirety of my yesterday morning getting berated for no reason.

And my dad has seen the article, and now wants to schedule an extra therapy session for me to talk about how I feel, which is something I can do at my session that's literally tomorrow.

I don't know, maybe I feel extra annoyed because my period is coming in like three days, but even the thought of leaving my room to go to dance is making me angry. It doesn't help that the second half of season two of 'Dance Moms' was starting filming next week, so now I would continue to go to competitions with less than a few hours of rehearsal time.

Hopefully my day goes better, or at least it doesn't get any worse.

Signing out, Kianna.