Past Love - Nubbins Sawyer X Reader

Chapter Seven - Clouded

Getting home without completely breaking down was the hardest part. To say I didn't think about crashing my car was a lie. Everything in my head was mixed up like a watercolor painting and I couldn't tell myself anything with certainty. When I finally looked down at my blood soaked form I felt like every drop of blood was burning deep into my skin. I was scratching deep into my arms by the time I got into the bathroom, trying to force the blood off my arms but my efforts did nothing more than force more blood to form in droplets on the skin and pour down my arms onto the ground until I was screaming at nothing for it to stop. I turned the water on in the shower to hot and rushed in. The burning water not even comparable to the heat of the blood. The redness washed down the drain but that was all, with every blink I could still see myself, blood covered... it didn't matter that I didn't kill him... that man was dead because of me. I deserved everything I got. I slammed my fist into the shower wall, determined to cover myself in as much of my blood as I was covered in his.

A few more hits and my hands were bleeding, I couldn't tell if any bones were broken but my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't even force them back into fists, every movement caused more blood to pour from the ripped skin. I thought it would make me feel better but the tears flowing from my eyes said differently. I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn't hear the movement downstairs nor the door to the bathroom open, Barley registering the voice of the body holding a lighter just enough to illuminate the small room

"Holy shit"

Before I could fall to my knees a body caught me, lifting me up. I couldn't even hear what they were saying, words muffled to the point of deafness. My body jolted when I was lifted up being carried

"Y/n"

The voice was fimilar

"Y/n"

Calming

"Y/n!"

Loud

"Y/n!"

I finally heard him, looking at his eyes, Nubbins. As soon as I saw him tears painted my face again. I sobbed into his chest as his arms were wrapped around my frame so he could easily carry me.

"Hey, you're okay"

He whispered with gentle shushes and sweet words. He carried me to the spare room as it was the closest to the bathroom and set me on the bed, he went to leave but I rushed to grab his arm and with pleding words

"No, no, please, please don't leave me alone"

Everything was beginning to hurt so badly, I didn't know the damage I was capable of doing to myself if given more time. He paused and grabbed my face in his hands.

"Its only a second love, I promise"

I sobbed not believing him but he pulled his arm from my grasp and rushed out. I heard light banging and things falling before he came back in. I immediately grabbed back on to him not letting him leave again but with him petting my hair and soft whispers he calmed me. I barley loosened my grip but he used it to pull away just enough to look at me. I noticed what he had brought in, the first aid kit.

"Can I see your hands love"

I looked in his eyes and took a breath before nodding, moving my hands from being wrapped around him to infront of my body.

"That's it"

He said and gently took my hands into his, turning them over to look at my knuckles, now caked in blood.

"Oh dear what did you do"

He said, pain straining his voice as he reached into the kit and pulled out alcohol, only remembered what it did when my hands burned I gasped and pulled them away, shaking in pain as the alcohol bubbled across the torn skin. Nubbins apologized but as the bubbles went down it cleaned it enough to see the true damage. The skin was definitely badly torn but now with the blood not covering it, it didn't look as bad. Nubbins used a cloth to clean off any remaining blood and than wrapped both my hands with gauze. His poor job of that meant my hands didn't have much movement but atleast they weren't bleeding or hurting as bad anymore. But he wasn't done, he had taken note of the glass in my legs, the slice on my neck and fresh marks on my arms. He looked at me for a moment before asking