Past Love - Nubbins Sawyer X Reader

Chapter Nine - Still You

Nubbins had fallen asleep on the couch, his chest rising and falling slowly as his head was thrown back. The television was still playing in the background. I could hear the laugh tracks and soft music but it was muffled with the thoughts racing through my head.

I trusted Nubbins with my life and he hadn't lied to me yet, even with incredibly difficult things... he wasn't the best liar anyways when It came to me. When we were kids he couldn't keep a lie running for more than a few minutes, the guilt was too much for him. So I knew when he said he had nothing to do with it now, he was telling the truth, but my mind filled with thoughts of what he did when he was a part of it. Even if he was forced to, I just couldn't rationalize it. In my mind, even if I was threaten to be beaten or arrested I couldn't harm another person unless it was to save myself... and obviously the Sawyers didn't do those things to people for that reason.

I stood up from the couch and went to the front window staring into the darkness, the light from the street had also been knocked out so the only light for miles was being emitted from my television. I bit my lip and tried to force everything from my head but with nothing to look at but darkness my mind became flooded. I felt tears overflow from my eyes and drip down my cheeks, I quietly slipped to my knees and leaned my forehead against the wall, I kept my crys muffled, almost silent. I felt like I didn't know who to trust anymore. I only have one person left and I don't know who they are... that's all the righteous part of my mind said but the part the was keeping me going right now said that the past didn't matter... but if that was true I wouldn't have even come back in the first place. The tears wouldn't stop and my body was shaking. Hours of torture passed, my mind forcing every bad thought to peirce deeper and deeper, I just wanted it to end and the thought of the gun my dad kept in his closet was becoming clearer and clearer, more enticing, silence on my head was all I wanted, all I was begging God for. I needed it it end, I couldn't do it anymore, the nightmares, the pain, the loss... nothing was worth it anymore... I'm so fucking tired...

I closed my eyes and the decision I was gonna make seemed so easy now... that was until a barley noticeable light shone through the window. I watched it with fascination it seemed that each second that passed it got brighter, till the room was filled with a warm hue. My body moved on its own, I stood up and looked out the window. The sun barley peaked over the horizon, every thought was thrown from my head and replaced with warmth as if God changed the sky to save me... I smiled, tears still ran down my face but I couldn't tell if it was from sadness anymore. I walked over to my front door and pulled it open, not even bothering to close it behind me was a walked into the tall grass before slipping to my knees and watching the sun rise. The same sun I always watched fall as a child. It was even too early for the birds, just soft breathing was all that filled the air, a calmness overcame me and a breathed out, my eyes trained miles ahead of me. As if history began again I heard the softest steps behind me, I knew exactly who it was, just as I did all those years ago.

"Its beautiful isn't it?"

I asked and I heard the footprints stop... after all those years I finally got an answer to the question

"...Stunning"

I turned to see Nubbins looking at me. I smiled at him as more tears ran down my face, he sat down next to me quietly and smiled back at me as he cleared the tears from my eyes. But more kept falling as a shakly breath came from my throat and a laugh that was almost silent as I started at him in the sunlight. Here it was, the truth that was always there but so hard to see till right now. He's still him, all the years I was gone were fading to mean nothing, Nubbins was still the kid I fell in love with, the kid who would cry if he made me upset, the kid who would take dorky pictures of every cool thing he saw, the kid who told me that no matter what we were always together, the brown eyes that started back at me were the same ones that stared at me eight years ago. I took his hands in mine and leaned my forehead against his...

"I love you"

I whispered under my breath and his hands moved to wrap around me and pull me closer

"I love you"

He whispered back and I knew that I finally heard what he wanted to tell me years ago. Everything was going to be okay... I knew it now

~~~ okay super short chapter but I really had to just get this arch kinda passed so we can move forward with the story and honestly it just seemed like a good place to end it, the next chapter will be longer I promise. I hope you all are enjoying this so far~♡