Pest Control (edited)

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Harry arrived at the class next and joined me at the desk I'd chosen far from what I guessed was Lockhart's. He gave me a worried smile, rubbing my back as he piled up the books to hide himself. The rest of the class came in soon after and Ron sat on Harry's other side while Hermione was on mine.

"You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron, more than amused at the situation. "You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."

"Shut up," snapped Harry.

Once everyone was seated, Lockhart loudly cleared his throat silencing everyone. Then he picked up one of Neville's book.

"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most- Charming-Smile Award,

("-and complete dickhead-" I muttered loud enough for Harry and Ron to hear which made them snicker.)

But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

It was silent, as though he was waiting on a laugh but it never came. Now I wanted to laugh.

"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books - well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in -"

I crumpled up my quiz in disgust after reading it and then tossed it high enough for it to soar over the desks and into the bin. Harry high fived me.

"Tut, tut - hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Fire whisky!" Lockhart announced after collecting in all the papers. ". . . but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions - good girl! In fact-" he flipped her paper over "-full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"

I slouched in my seat and hid my face as Hermione raised her hand, flushing red.

"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so, to business-" He lifted a covered cage onto the desk. "Now - be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard-kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm. I must ask you not to scream, it might provoke them."

It was quiet with anticipation as Lockhart dramatically whipped off the cloth to reveal small electric blue, eight inch long creature with pointy faces and shrill voices.

"Freshly caught Cornish pixies," Lockhart announced proudly and Seamus Finnegan let out a snort of laughter. "Yes?"

"Well, they're not - they're not very - dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.

"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, and waggled his forefinger. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be! Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.

The pixies were everywhere, two had even lifted Neville by the ears and held him in the air. Some smashed through the windows, others sprayed the class with ink, tore up books and threw things everywhere. Most of the class was under their desks, Neville was hanging from the chandelier and I was remaining calm, relaxed in my seat.

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