Jimmy: Lizzie, what do you have?
Lizzie: A KNIFE!
Jimmy: Okay, have fun-
Joel: NO!
Jimmy: I trust Joel.
Lizzie: You think they know what they're doing?
Jimmy: I wouldn't go that far.
Lizzie, texting Jimmy: Jimmy! Help I'm being kidnapped
Jimmy: Where are you?
Lizzie: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Jimmy: I'll call Joel.
Joel, answering their cell: Y'ello?
Jimmy: Where's Lizzie? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.
Joel: Lizzie? Whaddya mean, They're right next to me-
Joel:
Joel: I'll call you back. *Hangs up*
Joel: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!
Lizzie: WHO ARE YOU?!
Jimmy: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Joel: We yell, 'oh sh*t.'
Lizzie: ...That'll work.
Joel: My father's name is mine as well, so I'm technically Joel Jr.
Lizzie: But who comes up when you look up Joel on Google?
Jimmy: That's what I thought!
Lizzie: One Joel to rule them all!
Joel: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Lizzie: The cow???
Joel: What?
Jimmy: Lizzie, W H Y?
Lizzie: Last night I found out Joel is a sleep talker.
Jimmy: Oh, really?
Lizzie: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.
Jimmy: I need you to say those three words to me before I leave.
Joel: I love you.
Jimmy: Try again.
Joel and Lizzie, exchanging looks: We will behave.
Jimmy: Excellent.
Lizzie: What does this coffee taste like?
Joel: *Tastes it*
Joel: Hazelnut?
Lizzie: I dunno, I got it from the trash.
*Later*
Jimmy: Are you gonna finish that coffee?
Joel: No, Lizzie found it in the-
Joel:
Joel: You can have it.
Jimmy: Thanks! *Takes the coffee and sips it, walking away*
Joel, mischievously, to theirself: That's right. Drink the garbage coffee.
Lizzie: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Jimmy way.
Joel: Isn't that the wrong way?
Lizzie: Yes, but it's faster.
Joel: Did Lizzie just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Jimmy: Yeah, they did.
Joel: And did I just do finger guns back?
Jimmy: Yeah, you did.
Jimmy: When I was a kid, Joel told me that the paper strip that's in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.
Lizzie: They are!
Jimmy: FOR REAL?
Lizzie: No! Why did you fall for it again?
Jimmy: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Joel: Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.
*Lizzie walks in*
Joel: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know.
Joel: Why is Lizzie crying?
Jimmy: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
Lizzie: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!
Joel: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say-
Lizzie: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!
Joel: NO, NOT THAT!
Lizzie: My favourite thing about opening gifts labeled "From Jimmy and Joel", is that Joel is just as surprised as I am to see what's inside.
Lizzie: So, Jimmy is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Joel: Why?
Lizzie: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Jimmy, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
Joel, entering Lizzie's room: Jimmy did it again.
Lizzie: Peace disturbance?
Joel: What no-
Lizzie: Arson..?
Joel: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Lizzie: uh....Attempted murder?
Joel: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE. WHAT THE FU-
Jimmy: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Lizzie: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
Joel: Fuck you.
Jimmy: So we can't get a cat, because of Lizzie's allergies.
Jimmy: So I got the next best thing.
Joel: Jimmy, no, we already have enough to deal with-
Jimmy: *Brings in Lizzie in their cat hoodie* Can we keep them?
Jimmy: They're trained and everything.
Lizzie: Meow, bish.
Joel: I have a plan.
Jimmy: Mk, let's hear it.
Jimmy: Traitorsaywhat
Lizzie: Excuse me?
Joel: What?
Jimmy: Pfft-
Joel: Wait-
Lizzie: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone's cheeks, look into their eyes...
Lizzie: ... And violently jerk their head at a 90 angle until it snaps.
Joel: That took an unexpected turn.
Jimmy: So did their neck.
Jimmy: What do you think of me?
Joel: You're kind, and funny!
Jimmy:
Jimmy: Lizzie said I was bitter, and grumpy, so one of you is lying.
Joel:
Jimmy: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
Joel: I gotta give you credit, Lizzie. You make it look easy.
Lizzie: Years of practice.
Jimmy: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-
Joel: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~
Jimmy: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-
Lizzie, recording: This is so cute.
Joel & Jimmy: *Accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Joel: We need an adult!
Jimmy: Joel, you are an adult!
Joel: We need an adultier adult! Get Lizzie!
YOU ARE READING
Empires Short Stories
FanfictionTHIS IS A FANFICTION REQUESTS WILL BE ACCEPTED SHIPS WILL BE: JIZZIE FLOWER HUSBANDS JORNOTH
