THE GHOST OF MY PAST(GP)

Chapter Twelve

The next scene is a blur. My surroundings freeze as I dash to grab my bag from my cubicle, run to exit the building, and sprint to the bus stop. With a shaking hand, I scroll down my phone screen to find a taxi number while reading the bus timetable at the same time, thinking about which one will bring me faster to the hospital. In the next five minutes, Im sitting in the backseat of a cab that miraculously showed up when I was still deciding. I cant take a train home anyway. Even though it brings me faster to my town around this peak hour, my legs and brain would just refuse to function.

After calling Hoyeon and leaving a message for my boss, Max, I begin to usher the driver to go faster and faster. I groan when we have to slow down or stop at the traffic light, and I cuss every time another stupid driver cuts our lane.

I understand that this is an emergency, maam, but please, calm down. I will take you there as fast as I can without causing another accident, says the driver, his dark irises staring at me from the rear-view mirror, sympathy coating his eyes.

His words are like a slap in the face. Hes right. I need to control my impulse that has gone through the roof right now. I close my eyes, but all I can see is Ellas face and I whimper again. Leaning back against the headrest, my eyes are staring blankly at the car ceiling. And for the first time in my life, I say my prayer to all gods that might hear my desperation. Please save my daughter. Dont let anything bad happen to her. Shes still so young...

I jump when my phone rings, flashing Hoyeons name on its screen.

Im in the hospital now. Ella and all the kids are still inside, getting the emergency treatment, but were not allowed to come in. Hoyeon is trying to sound calm despite the hoarseness and tremble in her voice.

Have you seen her? Is she alright? Is she awake?

No, I havent seen her, Jen. Im not allowed to go inside. Im in the emergency waiting room now, sitting with other moms. I will update you as soon as I hear something. How far are you?

Not that far. I will be there in five or ten minutes tops.

Okay. I will call Mom and Dad now. And Jen, she will be fine. She has to. Because shes a strong kid. Okay? With that, Hoyeon hangs up, taking my last restraint from falling apart.

I break down and cry, howling like a mother coyote calling her missing child.

I take a deep breath between my sobs to lessen the throbbing tightness in my chest. I just want to be with my baby now, holding her hand while she has to go through all this daunting process. Is she in pain now? Is she scared? Does she need her mama like every other night when she has a nightmare about zombies lurking around inside her wardrobe?

This is the point where I will do anything to make sure shes alright. This is the point where a mother is willing to give her life for her child.

Were here, maam. The drivers voice pulls me out of my jumbled mind.

After paying the taxi bill, without bothering to get my change, I sprint to the emergency room. Hoyeon welcomes me with a tight embrace and we cry together in each others arms. We dont say any words because we know that all kinds of reassurance lines sound like bullshit right now. Ella is like a daughter to her and shes as terrified as I am. What we can do is wait in silence, facing our fear together.

Other parents, whose kids were also on the same school bus, dont look any better than we are. They sit on their chairs, fidgeting, faces as white as sheets, looking defeated. A few even sit alone and sob silently.

After fifteen minutes that feels like forever, the emergency door swings open. A nurse, whose white uniform has some bloodstains on, mentions a name, followed by a couple getting up and striding inside. The next thing I hear is an agonizing howl from the woman, and we all know what that means. A shiver runs down my spine. Ive never been this scared in my life.

Minutes go by and its excruciatingly slow. A few more names are mentioned, but none of them is my daughters name. We wait, and wait, with the rest of the faith we have.

Is the family of Ella Kim here? asks the nurse who is standing at the end of the emergency hall.

Yes! Hoyeon replies as she pulls me up and herds me to the medical personnel. How is she?

Lets talk about this inside. The doctor is waiting, the nurse replies before holding the door open for us.

The emergency room is in chaos. A strong smell of iron and the saturation of alcohol hits my nostrils. Through the gap between the white curtains, I see beds lining up and occupied by a few kids who are lying unconscious, but none of them is my daughter.

The nurse directs us to a small room covered only by a curtain. A middle-aged man in a white robe is sitting at a small desk, waiting for us.

Hello, Im doctor Wayne, whos handling your daughter. He shakes our hands. First of all, Im sorry for what happened to your little girl. This is a tragedy that costs us lots of pain, even lives. The doctor sighs. Ella is still unconscious, but from the test weve run, there are no signs of internal bleeding. Her shoulder joint is dislocated, and we are currently waiting for the x-ray result to see if there are any other conditions that we need to know before proceeding with further measures.

Hearing that Ella survives brings back my ability to speak. Will she be alright, Doc?

Thats what we hope. The thing is...she has a serious cut near her hip, causing her to lose a lot of blood and its rather alarming. Unfortunately, we dont have enough supplies to give her a transfusion right now due to the mass-casualty incident. We are calling around for help to see if other hospitals have the supply, but it might take hours, maybe days. However, if her biological parents are here, and are fit to be the donor, it will be so much faster for her to get the supply she needs, which means less risk of suffering from an organ or brain defect.

I take a sharp breath. I dont have the same blood type as hers, but I sure can get a hold of her biological father.

That would be great, Doctor Wayne replies. How long do you think you can get him here?

Give me a few hours. But please, before I go, can I see my baby just for a second?

Of course. She is still in the observation room, you can see her through the window. Tina will show you the way. The doctor points at the nurse who let us in earlier.

I break into tears again when I see my daughter lying motionless on the hospital cot. Her tiny face is covered by a breathing tube while the IV fluid hangs on the pole next to her bed. The EKG machine is beeping next to her, showing the green and red lines on the black screen. I want to see more. How bad is her wound? Is she cold there? Is the hospital blanket warm enough?

Jen, Hoyeon mumbles as she nudges my shoulder. About Hoyeons biological father, did you mean it?

I havent told Hoyeon about Lisa Manoban because I wanted to have my space to process all of this. Hoyeon is nothing like Jisoo; her big sis complex would get the best of her and surely, it would not do me any favors. Yes. I found him. At least thats what I believe. Im sorry I didnt tell you sooner, Hoyeon. Its just...

No, dont worry about it. Go get him now. The sooner you can bring him here, the better it is for Ella. Ill stay to make sure she gets what she needs.

Are you sure? What about Diana? Whos going to pick her up from school?

Mom and Dad should be here soon. I can ask Dad to take care of her. Just go, Jen. Ella needs the blood supply, Hoyeon urges.

I nod again. After glancing at my girl one more time, I turn on my heels and leave the room. Hang in there, sweetheart. Mama will be back with the help you need.