THE GHOST OF MY PAST(GP)

Chapter Twenty Two

Im in deep shit and I know it.

Instead of wriggling myself out of this unwanted infatuation, Im falling deeper for Lalisa Manoban, and my chest is burnt with jealousy every time the man and her lady friend jump into my mind. To make it worse, everyone at work keeps talking about the stunning red-haired woman who shows up more often at our CEOs office lately. The news about Lisa Manoban going to tie the knot spreads like a bushfire, but I refrain from asking him about the latest rumor, not that hes going to share her personal life with me anyway.

Since the day we went to the funfair together, Lisa hasnt spent time with Ella again. She had to leave town in the last two weekends for business trips, and work has been crazy busy as the mid-year is approaching, slapping everyones face and reminding us of our annual target. This madness will kick us in the ass until summer vacation begins.

Meanwhile, the corporate gala dinner is also drawing near. I wish I could skip the company annual party but since Im still a newcomer, Im expected, scratch that, Im obliged to attend the gala. Dammit. Its starting to poke my nerves every time the girls gush over the gowns theyre planning to wear, which catering is going to serve the meals, which music bands, what decoration theme, and who they are going to bring to the gala.

While the girls are chattering about whos going to be their date, Im now having the Dear John′ talk with my potential plus one. I was thinking of asking Kai to come to the gala with me, but it was before Ella heard my confession, and it changed everything. For now, I need to stop bringing someone new into Ellas life. Its been confusing enough for her already.

So, Ella hates me now because I left? Kai asks while frowning at his coffee.

Hate is a strong word. I dont think thats what she has right now. I run my finger on the edge of the saucer in front of me. Ella has been projecting her disappointment for not having her father around, which she thought was you. So, she looked for a reason to hate Kim Jongin to justify her feelings. I think its more of her coping mechanism.

But now she knows Im not the father. What does this mean to her then?

I dont know yet, to be honest. I believe shes still trying to come to terms with these changes. But the more I think about this, the more I see that shes been bitter because of the absence of her father, not because of you as Kim Jongin. And my lies mixed everything up. I cover my face with my hands in exasperation. God, I screwed up big time.

Hey. Kai pulls my hands off my face and urges me to look at him. Dont be too hard on yourself. You did what you thought best at that moment. You didnt know any better.

I sigh. I swear I wanted to tell her the truth when the timing was right. I just didnt expect that you and her dad would swing back into my life at the same time and this soon.

Kai forces a smile but it doesnt reach his eyes. Life never stops surprising us, does it?

Yeah, I mumble while gripping his hands that are still on mine. Im so sorry, Kai. I wish things worked differently. I was really considering giving us a shot but I cant do that now. Not when Ella is still confused with everything.

Kais eyes turn softer. Jen, I told you I would wait–

No, I interject, please, dont wait. I dont want to promise anything right now. And you need to move on, Kai.

I do? Kais voice sounds more like a whisper. He chuckles softly but his eyes betray his gesture. I dont know how.

You will figure it out. You always do. I squeeze his hands for the last time before I let them go.

Ive been holding on to my past so tightly and let it wrap around my feet, preventing me from moving forward. Even when the love I had for him had evaporated into the air, I was still holding on to what we had because Kai was my definition of a relationship.