THE GHOST OF MY PAST(GP)

Chapter Twenty Four

Her lips are soft, warm, and inviting, making me wonder why I didnt do this sooner. Im not sure if she freezes or kisses me back right now, but her soft groan when my tongue licks the seam of her lower lip confirms that shes enjoying it too. The next thing I know, her hands sneak around my waist and pull me to her as she deepens our kiss. All the doubts, the questions, and the confusion that have been spinning in my head dissipate into thin air. What I care about right now is our locking lips and our intertwined tongues while our bodies are pressed together.

We break off from the kiss to catch our breath, but her lips keep hovering over mine. With our foreheads leaning against each other, his hot breath fans my face while I close my eyes, savoring the moment. I dont want to open them because Im afraid that its not real, that my intoxicated mind is just imagining this. And then I feel her smiling against my lips before starting to kiss me more. And once again, Im melting in her arms.

The doorbell rings from the hallway, prompting us to pull away, and I whimper inwardly from the absence of her warmth.

Are you expecting someone? Lisa asks, half grunting.

Uh, no, wait, the pizza! I stand up abruptly but my legs wobble, still trembling from the kiss, and possibly alcohol. I almost topple over if Lisa doesnt catch me in time. I need to find my wallet.

Just sit. Ill take care of it. Gently, she pushes me back to the couch before getting up and walking to the front door.

My heart is still thumping hard against my chest, my lips are tingling, and my mind is clouded by the intensity of the kiss we just shared. I slump back to the sofa and close my eyes while listening to him talking to the pizza guy, but I cant catch any word from where Im sitting now. Then the door is closed, followed by the sound of Lisas footsteps echoing from the hallway.

Its when the realization comes down on me like a bucket of cold water.

What did I just do? Did I just kiss her? Did we just make out when I knew she had a girlfriend? I cover my face with my hands and groan. I just seduced someone elses man. The worst part is that she is also the father of my child, someone I shouldnt be playing a reckless game with. What the fuck did I do?

I cant find a pizza cutter in your kitchen drawers. This will do. She brought a knife and a fork before placing them next to the pizza box.

I dont dare to look at her right now. My eyes are staring blankly at my coffee table while Im trying to squeeze some words out of my brain. Shouldnt you go back to the gala dinner?

I know, but it doesnt feel right to leave you like this. And —she sits down next to me at a respectable distance— we should talk about...it.

I...I dont know what I was thinking, I say, putting both my hands over my face. Hell, I dont know what Im thinking right now. Fuck. Im too buzzed. I dont think we should talk about it. Itdidnt mean anything. Im so, so sorry.

Lisa leans forward with his elbows pressing on his knees, his eyes on the TV screen. No need.

I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them before burying my face in my knees. You see, I always screw up. I dont think before I act and I always get myself into trouble.

We both screwed up, dont you think? Lisa replies, but I can tell her mind is somewhere else right now.

Lisq, I look up and find her eyes are already on mine. I swear, the last thing I want to do is to stand between you and Diandra. Its hard enough for you two to make a room for Ella, and now I messed up. I made you a cheater.

Ive never hated myself as I do now. It feels like Im drowning in the layers of mistakes I keep on creating. A couple of months ago, I promised myself that I would make everything right. I would do better, I would not lie again, and I would think carefully before I take action. And now, this.

You should tell Diandra about this. Tell her I kissed you, or cornered you. Tell her its my fault. I deserve it, I rattle off and dont care anymore if I even make sense.

What do you mean? Lisa asks, confusion written on her face. I shouldnt lie about the kiss but I should lie about kissing you back? Which one is it then? Should I lie or should I not?

It must be the alcohol that messes up with my brain. It takes me a good thirty seconds to comprehend her point. I gasp. Youre going to tell her the whole truth?

Maybe.

Oh god. I bury my face in my knees again with a dramatic groan. Im going to make you two fight because of my stupidity.

lisa doesnt reply, probably calculating what sort of problem is awaiting him. Are you going to tell me why you left the party?

Not prepared for a sudden change of topic, I frown. The ladies room scene flashes through my mind, accompanied by a dull jab in my chest. I shake my head. No.

It takes hee ten seconds before she nods. Alright then. I should go back to the gala. She stands up. You should eat before it gets cold.

I want to ask her to stay. The words are hanging on the tip of my tongue but my gradually sobering mind prevents me from doing so. I bite my lower lip as I hear hee footsteps receding down the hallway, followed by the sound of the door being closed gently.

***

This is one of the longest nights Ive ever had. After trying to eat a few slices of prosciutto pizza, my mind becomes clearer every second, as well as the recollection of the shitty evening Ive had. Im tempted to finish the rest of the wine every time my head replays the scene of me throwing myself at Lisa. The urge to erase the memory with more alcohol is strong, but the thought of having a nasty hangover in the morning stops me from doing it. Ella cant see me like that.

At least Im thinking about the consequences this time.

But I cant sleep. My freaking head just refuses to shut down even though Ive been closing my eyes forever. Ive counted sheep, Ive counted backward, Ive counted sheep that are walking backward, still, my brain is as awake as my muscles. This is outrageous.

I sit up straight and extend my hand to turn on the light before glancing at the alarm clock on my nightstand. I hope its at least 3 AM already so that I have a reason to go to the kitchen and make an early coffee. To my sorrow, its not even one oclock yet. How will I get through the night?

Maybe I should sneak into Hoyeons house and snuggle next to Ella. Her snoring always does magic to my sleepless nights.

I scramble out of bed and get dressed. While slipping into my oversize red hoodie, my mind jumps back to the man I should block from my brain for the rest of the night. I wonder if she has told Diandra about the kiss, or if shes going to wait for the right time, or if shes not going to tell her at all. The more I think about it, the more nervous I become.

I start my car as I wait for the garage door to fully open. When Im about to hit the accelerator, my eyes catch another car parking in my driveway, blocking my way out. The black Mercedes Benz. Pulling back the stick to neutral gear, I jump out of my car before walking tentatively to the car Ive grown familiar with.

The drivers door is pushed open, revealing the man who just left my house several hours ago, leaving me with a whirlwind of emotion. Lisa isnt wearing her tuxedo this time. Her white dress shirt is wrapped in a black vest that matches the color of her pants.

What are you doing here this late?

I saw your bedroom light was on. I thought I would wait here.

Still, it doesnt explain why you are here, in this neighborhood.

She closes her door and leans on it. I ended things with Diandra.