THE GHOST OF MY PAST(GP)

Chapter Nineteen

Ella has been having a hard time accepting the new fact about her father. Shes turned noticeably quiet, spaces out a lot, and changes the subject every time I bring up Lalisa Manobans name. My daughter is introverted despite her straightforward nature. For something that shes still unsure about, she tends to keep it to herself even though the never-ending frown on her face gives away enough. And that is whats happening right now.

When I confide in my sister, Hoyeon believes its just a phase, and I should give Ella all the time she needs.

Shes been holding this resentment toward her father, even before she asked about her whereabouts four years ago. I think shes still trying to address her feelings about this daddy stuff, she says. You should let her deal with this at her own pace.

I bite my lower lip as I turn my head to check on Ella and Diana. The pair is now busy making a necklace out of string and beads in the living room, pre-teen movie is playing in the background. Im glad that my sister came to bring Diana to spend Sunday afternoon with Ella since she still refuses to see Lisa.

Despite the cool breeze from the spring weather, Ella and I are sitting on my balcony, curling up under the blanket on the hanging bench while having a sister-to-sister talk.

I feel like Im the shittiest mother on earth, you know, I mutter in defeat.

How so?

Ive been lying to her a lot. I let her live under the impression that her father is doing something bad to me while I know shes longing for a father figure. My hand clutches the blanket harder and presses it into my chest, shuddering at the thought. What was I thinking?

Hoyeon sits closer to me and wraps her hand around my shoulders, pulling me to her. Thats not true. I saw it myself that you kept correcting her from having the idea that her father was a bad guy. You kept emphasizing that having a disagreement is a normal thing for a couple.

And it didnt work. Didnt you see how spiteful she was that day when she thought Kai was her father?

Hoyeon sighs, staring blankly at the oak tree in my backyard while her hand is playing with my hair. Honestly, I think it happens to most kids. When their parents split up on bad terms, theyre kinda forced to choose. You did what you could do, Jen.

I dont know about that. It feels like I couldve done better than just lying to her face.

Yeah. Lying about her fathers identity was not a smart move. And now its kinda messed up. Hoyeon tries to smile emphatically but it looks more like a wince. How did Lisa take her refusal?

I shrug. If he was disappointed, she didnt say it. Its not like I could see her face. We only talk through texts.

How are you guys going to do this by the way? I mean, seeing you two are working in the same office, are you going to announce that your kid is also your CEOs daughter?

No. Hell, no. The last thing I want them to know is Lisas connection to me outside work life. Im still on my probation now. People are still watching me like a hawk to see if Im capable of this job. If they knew about Ella, they would think I got the job because of Lisa.

What did she say about this?

She saw my points and agreed to do this on my terms. Besides, what we are focusing on now is how to make Ella warm up to her.

Hoyeon nods. Ella just needs time to process, trust me. Shes a smart kid. First, she needs to unravel her resentment towards Kim Jongin which has no base anymore. I mean, maybe she will still dislike Kim Jongin as your ex, but not as her father. Then comes Lisa, the father who is popping out of nowhere, and she doesnt know if she should like her or hate her, especially after the story about her is now different. This is such a big change for her.