Bittersweet Expectations (Hate at First Flight #0.5)

28. Waking Up The Light Sleeper

The way I had asked about the fundraiser and how I had somehow alluded to knowing of it wasn't lost to Mr X.

Like a moth drawn to a flame, he asked, "Will you be there?"

My heart had momentarily skipped a beat when I heard how hopeful he sounded. Even the voice changer couldn't mask it.

I tried to sound playful when I replied with a, "You would never catch me anywhere near those things." I giggled as if I found the fact that he actually thought I would be there was laughable.

Silence echoed between us as the buzz behind me from the other volunteers drowned in the silence.

Why did I lie?

Why didn't I tell him that I wouldn't be there?

There was only one main reason. The reason why I continued to go with that lie.

Fear.

I was scared.

Scared that if I did tell him that I would be there, that he would ask if we could meet.

Scared that I would be tempted to say yes.
Not just tempted, but that I would.

Yes, I wanted to meet him.

Yes, I wanted to put a face to Mr X.

But I was also scared.

Scared because what if I wasn't what he expected.

Scared because he would be disappointed when he saw me.

Scared because I knew my only confidence in divulging everything that I had easily divulged in the many calls we had exchanged, was because it was all anonymous.

I was talking to a stranger.

And it was much easier to talk about Finn and the mess that our past was to a stranger.

Easier to vent and rant about my life and whatever was happening if it was to a stranger.

"Maybe I could change that," he finally said after a long and drawn out silence.

I nervously laughed before I mused along, "Maybe."

But I knew, that maybe will never happen.

* * *

I was going to see Mr X on Friday.

I was going to see Mr X on Friday.

Those were the words that echoed over and over in my head as I walked the driveway towards Building X later that night.

My brain was spiraling everywhere and nowhere as the likelihood of meeting and seeing Xavier became even more real.

I would be seeing him in five days.

I contemplated telling Julian to look for another date. With five days left until the fundraiser, he had enough time to find someone else.

Besides with his looks, many girls would be dying to go with him.

I decided to think it over again the next day, when my head was clearer.

My fingers fished inside my bag for the keys to Building X as it towered over me.

The lights were on me like a spotlight as I tried to get ahold of the keys.

It was quiet, save for the running water of the fountain near the mansion.