Dear Diary,
How do I deal with an over emotional mother? A manipulative one? How do I stay quiet to her outbursts? How do I deal with the feeling of having to walk on thin ice every single day? How do I distract myself? Yes, I do read books a lot, but no one seems to understand that reading helps me cope and escape from this repetitive and bland reality. I keep spiraling down; I am so so dizzy.
Reading keeps me from going into autopilot, turning off my emotions and the days seem to blend in, a very overwhelming and suffocating feeling. Work, school, work, arguments left and right, fake smiles, headaches, losing my appetite.
Having my mom on top of that is so much more difficult, she ignores the way my siblings bully me, they sometimes make me feel like shit. I can't say anything or show that I am hurt because that makes me a bad sister that does not love them for being from another father. Sometimes I just think how it would feel to not be around anymore.
I want to be free from the same stupid arguments, pettiness, tension, of holding back my tears and biting my tongue. Of never doing anything right or doing enough, you don't understand how exhausted I feel, I don't have the energy to get up sometimes. Everything I do is for my family, even the things that don't make me happy.
When will it be better? Will it get better? Please tell me it does, please do not tell me I have been holding on to false hope. Tell me I will be genuinely happy one day, will that happen? Or will it always be like this? I want out, my head is about to explode, I am so dizzy.
ESTÁS LEYENDO
Dear Diary
De TodoNo Cliches. No happy ending. No romance. Just the journey of a girl, of me. This is my diary, the only place I can escape and not be strong, where I can actually pour out my bottled up feelings.
