Are You Sure? (Marina)

Twenty-Seven.

Maya

There was a moment between when Carina thought to herself and she said words. A moment where she sought resolve, and I yearned to be a part of her mind so I could sway it. I had poured my heart to her and I was absolutely terrified she would walk away. I pulled away from her to look at her eyes since she had yet to utter a word. There was a fear in them I saw very rarely, considering Carina was always a strong and confident person.

Though they were still the most beautiful ones I'd ever looked into, I was undeniably in love with Carina and I never meant to make her feel used. I couldn't tell when I fell, but I knew and felt silly to ever have tried to deny it in the first place. It was like the moment- the moment of clarity I got at every scene where I knew what to do next. In a second there were no more questions, I knew, without a fraction of a doubt what I felt for her.

Now I stood here heart in my hand, offering it to her in hopes she would take it and make it her own. Carina was, is and will forever be my first love and I wanted her to be my last. Was that a lot of pressure on myself? Of course, but I was nothing if not determined and stubborn. I couldn't live without this woman; I needed her more than the air I breathed. "Carina?" Desperation now fully evident if it wasn't already.

"Maya, you were right." The fear in her eyes, echoed in her words. Though I was lost because I didn't know what she was referring to. "You told me once you were broken, I don't believe that. Maya you're not broken, you're human and have been through a lot," My eyes watered, remembering the events of the evening when I almost lost her before I even had her. "I never meant to fix you, I just wanted to help but I- There is something wrong with me and the last I want to do is bring you more pain and I can't promise you that."

"Carina, there is nothing wrong with you. I've never met a person so..." I stopped talking when her eyes got watery, I reached up to wipe them away but she moved her face, telling me not too. "There is nothing you could reveal about yourself that I wouldn't want to know."

She wiped her own face and hugged herself tighter, her eyes met mine again. "Bambina, there are some things you shouldn't have to experience twice. I have a problem, and I don't- I shouldn't be another thing you have to worry about."

The anguish in her voice twisted my chest, it was hard to fathom a part of Carina I wouldn't love. The more I thought about it, I realized she was talking about Mason and the drugs. I was right. I didn't want to be right, I never wanted to be more wrong in my life. Her eyes fell to the floor and I took a step back to collect my thoughts. I'd asked her to say something to me that would make me stop loving her and for her, this was it. Though the more I searched inward, the feelings were still there. When I looked at Carina, nothing had changed for me, if anything all I want to do is support her and help her. Not fix, but help, "Too late."

She looked up at me with her shiny brown eyes and her furrowed brow, "Too late?"

"I already worry, I have since I pulled you from the burning maternity wing. I worry when you tell me you haven't slept because you worked for 36 hours straight. I am going to worry all the time, the one thing I don't want to worry about is whether or not I will see you again, or talk to you. Baby, some days even the sound of your voice is all I need- do you know how weird that is to me? To someone who's never relied on anyone? Let me be there for you like you've always been for me- to show you that I can be worthy of your love even if you need time to get there. All I ask is that you try too." I took her hands in mine bridging the gap between us.

Carina's hands tightened in mine for the first time and let out a small growl while she wrestled with herself again. I had no way of knowing what she would say next.I hated not having control of the situation, every card and decision lied in Carina's hands, as it always did. My future rested in them and that was not something I was okay with, but I'd have to learn to adapt to because I loved her, and I would love her enough for the both of us until she found herself again.