Are You Sure? (Marina)

Forty-Seven.

Maya

Whatever grudge Carina was holding seemed to dissipate as we walked into the meeting. I really didn't know how this would work. We walked in and everyone looked our way. Carina smiled and waved at a lot waving back. I smiled, hoping my awkwardness was not too obvious.

"Don't be nervous. Come." Carina pulled the arm she had walked in holding and grabbed a chair for me. "You can sit here and just listen, this isn't like therapy where you will be asked to speak if you don't want to." She kissed my cheek and left me with her purse.

I felt like we were at the mall all over again and I was sitting waiting for her to finish trying on clothes that I couldn't see. Everyone sat down with their bad coffee- Carina's words, not mine- and cookies. Amelia walked in with Adrien and they sat next to Carina.

Everyone was looking at the podium in the front of the room, their backs to me. Some stories were heartbreaking and others just talked about how much hope they feel now. That was Amelia's story, how much she'd overcome and now she talks about how her son has given her the biggest reason to enjoy sobriety. It was heartfelt.

She's the one that handed Carina the 30-day chip and hugged her as she took her place in front of the podium. "Trenta giorni... 30 days for those who don't know." People laughed and I just listened, "So Carina e I'm an addict."

"Hi Carina!"

She smiled, "30 days ago, I can't really say I chose to quit because I was more than ready to let the world swallow me up so I wouldn't have to— but I'm glad a person who loved- loves me more than anyone, knew it wasn't what I really wanted— to- to keep using. Who knew me even when I thought I lost every part of myself I loved.

"I'm blessed with a partner who loved me when I couldn't- a partner who fought for me that day and every day after even if I was a horrible cagna to her. Who hurt herself to get me clean and- and I know you don't get sober for others.." she wiped her eye and my heart almost forced me up to go hug her, "but I could not be more grateful for her patience. Hurting her was my bottom and I never want that again. Maybe the first day wasn't for me, but everyday after has been, every day I start to love myself more and choose my sobriety for the person I want to be, not in the hopes of recovering who I was before. One day at a time... and I'm soooo excited for 31. Thank you." She smiled and everyone clapped including me. I ran my thumb and forefinger from the bridge of my nose out wards to clear my watery eyes.

I stared at the back of Carina's head the rest of the night and watched her make small talk with Amelia between shares. The meeting eventually ended and I waited outside for her to finish saying her goodbyes. When she came out she was smiling from ear to ear. "Congratulations, Carina."

"Thank you." She did a small curtesy and it was the most adorable thing. "Dinner?"

"Dinner." I offered my arm and held out my other hand so I could see the small coin. It was heavier than I thought and I ran my thumb over the '30' engraved in it.

"I never got the 3 month one." She took it from my hands and stuffed it into her pocket. I wondered if she carried it on her. I opened the car door for her and I ran around to hop inside.

"You will. One day, right?" She nodded at me and I smiled, turning on the car to head over to the fusion restaurant Travis had told me about. Something about an ex working there but it was good.

We sat and Carina ordered for us, as usual she was the one with the better selection. She ordered us glasses of wine and crossed her arms over the table after they took the menus to looked at me in the eyes. I wanted to shy away under her gaze but the other part of me was fixed on their beauty. I tilted my head a little to look at them better under the dim table lighting. "Why shouldn't we get married?"