Are You Sure? (Marina)

Thirty-Two.

Carina

For the last 2 weeks, I'd been packing up the pieces of the life I'd made in Seattle. The small trinquets from gift shops I'd went to when I thought I'd only be here for a year or two. The art I'd collected from the galleries and small art shows I'd visited. Most of it fitting in 5 big boxes because I'd never envisioned I was going to stay.

There was always a part of my brain that always said I would eventually leave, resume my life in Italy with Gabri. Go back to my semi regular rotation during the week, ravage the boutiques with her on the weekends, then find someone in a bar on the nights I had no one in labor.

If I'd known all those months ago that fixing my sights on a beautiful blonde woman, who happened to be at the same bar when I left shit, would lead me here- I'd have laughed. Actually that's not true, I'd known since I first saw Maya, that I wanted her- I wanted her there at the reception desk where she handed off the nose. I wanted her at the bar when her face showed distress, even after she rejected me. Even in the face of her rejection I knew I'd one day I'd press myself against her strong body. Call it confidence but I felt it with her the moment I looked into her heart-stopping blue eyes and she looked into mine that she would be mine even if it was for a night because the chemistry was almost suffocating.

Now however, the same subtle anger was washed over her face as she watched me throw the very things meant to remind me of Seattle into a box. I'd sort them out as gifts for friends later, if and when I was able to go visit Italy again. Visit... Italy was no longer a place I associated with return, it wasn't my home anymore.

I closed the box half empty and Maya clenched her fist, "Maya.. use your words."

"I- Nothing. Where's the list I gave that detailed how to organize your boxes so they would be easier to unpack?" She held the back of her neck and then looked around my practically empty room.

A laugh fell out of my mouth at the thought of her and her controlling clipboard. I decided I'd have fun with her, "Oh... it's probably in one of the boxes. I set it down earlier, maybe Andrea already took it down."

She clenched her jaw and I fought the urge to laugh as I knew it was driving her crazy that I wasn't as organized as she was. Truth was, most of the things I was packing would go to storage. The things I really needed, like kitchen stuff, clothes and work related journals were all perfectly organized in the initial boxes. Maya didn't need to know that, I was enjoying watching her squirm.

Her eyes roamed around the room again, looking at all the emptiness and I couldn't tell if she was thinking about her clipboard gone missing or freaking out about where I was going to put everything. "Bambina, I'm sorry I misplaced your clipboard, I'll find it or die trying." I teased as I walked up to her with a box in hand.

She frowned and leaned into my kiss as I passed her. I left her in the room hoping she would grab a box and keep going. Unlike my brother who was so relaxed drinking a beer on what was now his couch. Truth was I knew where the clipboard was, I just didn't need it. "Andrea! Andiamo!"

"Yeah yeah, I'm taking a break!" He waved me off as I crossed the threshold of my old apartment to go put the last box that would go in my car.

Andrea was so lazy when it came to helping me with anything, I still remember when I forced him to go apartment hunting with me. The only thing driving him was the desire to get me out of his place. Maybe if I told him all the things I've done with people on that couch he would not be so happy to lay in it all day.

It still has not settled that I was moving in with Maya, that I was moving in with anyone. The idea that I was settling down with one person was insane to me, but with Maya I felt different. It had always been different, though there were still small fears because of the differences in our personalities. Some days I feared I was repeating the same habits.