Are You Sure? (Marina)

Fifty.

Carina

Christmas time always reminded me of my mamma, all the last few we had before she moved away. It was my favorite holiday. Mamma always found a way to make it special and meaningful for me and Andrea even if my father found a way to make it about him. My best memories of my childhood were of Christmas surrounded by decorations I would hand make with Andrea and the food nonna and mamma would make together.

This was why I woke up early on December 1st to start redecorating the apartment, replacing the candles with more fresh scents and putting mantels on the fireplace with stockings for me and Maya. There was even mistletoe under our bedroom door and in the entrance to the kitchen. Maya didn't have many happy memories with the holiday and I was determined to change that around. The front door opened right on cue at 8:12am as it always did whenever Maya got off on time.

"What is happening here?" The thud of Maya's backpack followed by the keys in the bowl told me she was mere seconds from coming in and seeing the ornaments I organized between our pictures on the fireplace. I'd even bought a frame to put my favorite picture with my mom up. "You weren't kidding."

"I don't kid about Christmas, look." Maya walked over and looked at all the little ornaments and ran her hands over the stockings with our initials. There was a trace of a smile before she looked up over the mantel and scrolled past the pictures- her eyes stopping on one picture. My favorite picture.

She slowly lifted it and brought it closer to her eye, "She was very beautiful. You are definitely your mother's daughter." The statement made me smile. "You have her nose, her cheekbones.. wow— and look at you! You're so cute." Her finger pointed at my 9 year old face pressed into my mom's neck, laughing and holding up a peace sign.

"You were too. My favorite one is the one you keep hidden in the back of that album." Her eyes opened wide and the cutest blush ran over her face.

"I was three and naked."

"With the cutest little white bum, I stole it. Just so you know." I went back to the kitchen to start making breakfast.

"I take it we are going to go pick out trees after you get off work?" She followed me into the kitchen and grabbed the eggs from the fridge. "Sit, I'm making omelets." My eyes peaked up as I poured grinds into the coffee maker. "You heard me."

"Okay, but you will burn the coffee so let me do this one part while you do that." I laughed and she grunted, she hated that she couldn't seem to make espresso right but I've offered to show her step by step and she refuses. Stubborn. "And you don't have to, I drag Andrea with me because even though he won't admit it— he secretly loves decorating them— he has since we were kids."

She nodded and pulled out spinach and bell peppers to throw into the pan. "I used to go and pick the biggest tree with my dad. He insisted we needed the biggest one. Mason and mom would decorate it while I went on my afternoon run."

"Come with us, it's your tree too and you can guide us to which one is the right size for our apartment— you know for safety reasons." I insisted and she looked at me knowingly, playing on her need to be a little in control over everything that comes in here- even if she wouldn't admit it out loud.

"I'd love to." I beamed at her and she went back to dicing her vegetables, pausing only to look back the chalkboard. "Don't stop believing? Are you a journey's fan and I didn't know?"

I shrugged my shoulders, not trying to give too much away. Truth was, I had been very much considering proposing to Maya. Trying to figure out when would be the best time, which made it hard because sobriety meant no lies. So this was my way of dropping hints without ruining it. There were also small reservations I had about us taking that step and wanted to be 100% sure, Maya deserved 100%.