C.R.E.W

Chapter 13 ~ Believe It Or Not

          I held my nose and went straight to the nurse's office. I pushed the door open and swung my backpack to the side of me. She swiveled around in her chair and gasped at the sight of me. 

She somewhat stood up, "Why don't you grab a few tissues and clean yourself up, okay?" She said, rubbing her hands together.

I sighed and looked over at the tissue box, it was a rectangular shape and had both white and blue wavy lines going all around it. I walked over and grabbed one. I pressed it against the bottom of my nose and dried blood scraped against it, tugging on my skin. I ripped the tissue in two and put it in both nostrils. I looked at my hands and the amount of dried blood was uncanny. I washed my hands in the sink and the blood wouldn't come off. I scraped at it, I imagined scraping at it with a sponge, I pressed my nails against the redness and moved them aggressively back and forth on my palm. I started breathing heavy and thinking of every way possible to get the blood to come off. I put more soap on it and it became almost molten rock, it was itchy like a rash and my skin felt bare, it felt dry, it felt sandy. Her voice brought me back to life.

"Are you almost done?" She called.

I looked back down at my hands and there was barely anything on them. My pale arms were themselves, no dry skin, no blood, just my bare hands. I instantly turned the water off and grabbed the paper towels. The loud turning noise it made aggravated me. I dried my hands with the towel and sat down on the little beige bench in the left corner by the door. The first aid kit inches above my head on the side wall, perched upon a short tan shelf.

She took a break from her computer and turned to me, "you've got quite the injury."

I did a sarcastic hum.

She motioned for me to come over to her, "come on," she swiveled back in her chair.

I sighed and walked over in front of her.

She unexpectedly put her fingers on my nose and gripped it with an 'oooo' of disappointment, "it's throbbing."

I looked down at my nose and then to her, her blonde dyed hair and blue-ish green eyes staring at me.

"I can give you an ice pack, if you want?" She questioned, swirling back around to the wall.

"No, no, I'm good." I shook my head and turned back to pick up my stuff.

"No, no, I insist." She said, already pulling one out from her ice pack bin.

"No, I'm good. Can you just tell me my diagnosis?" I asked, holding my nose in place.

She laughed, "diagnosis?"

I looked at her bluntly, "yes...a diagnosis. You know, the thing I have. A cold, flu-" she stopped me.

"Honey, I know what a diagnosis is. I'm a school nurse, not a doctor, or a hospital nurse. I'm just a school nurse, I can't give you a proper diagnosis as they do in hospitals. What is seems to me is that you have a fractured nose."

"A fractured nose? A fractured nose? A fractured nose?! Can't you see that this is clearly broken?!" I yelled.

"Well, I offered you an ice pack..." her voice was masked by my shouting.

"This isn't about an ice pack!!" I shouted.

She didn't look phased by anything I said.

I picked up my backpack and aggressively opened the door. I slammed the door shut and ran out of the nurse's office. I stopped myself by the wall and leaned against it. The off-white wall was cold, it ran against my cheek, giving me goosebumps all around my body. I slid down and sat on the floor. I took my backpack off and laid my head in my knees, covering my forehead with my arms. I cried for no reason at all. Lately, I've been crying almost everyday, people say it's because I'm in that stage of my life and I'm just changing, others, like my mother, don't even know what to do with me. School has been getting worse everyday, it used to just be Noelle and I walking into school having a great time, well, great for her at least. I just wanted to have her in my class and get through the year, but now, everything is heightened. Mood swings, anxiety, bullying, everything that seemed like a minor memory before was now the sad truth. Every little thing annoys me now, talking, sipping, tapping, anything a person can do annoys me. The only person who used to keep me grounded betrayed me and set me up with doctors again. Everything I've had is falling apart. Little did I know, this was just the beginning.

~~~

I walked home and once I opened the door, I saw my mom on the phone by the counter.

"Bye, love you." She smiled and made a kissey face at her phone screen.

When she saw me enter the doorway, she stumbled. She almost seemed shocked or frightened to see me. When she jumped up, she hung up the phone.

"Hey, honey. How was school?" The classic mom talk.

I bobbed my head up and down very slowly in response.

"I called your school and they said you weren't on the bus?" She was asking, not telling.

"Yeah, I...decided to walk." I kept my head down and avoided eye contact as I set my bag down before heading over to the fridge.

"Honey, are you okay?" Those words are the most frequent words I've heard in my lifetime. Those words are what scare me in my nightmares. Those words break me down until I'm just shriveled up pieces of bone.

"Yeah..." I said with a squeak in my voice.

"Honey, you know you can talk to me about anything." She wanted me to tell her, if I didn't do it willingly, she might as well hold me by my throat and wait until I to choke it all up.

"I really can't..." I whispered.

"Yes, you can, you just don't want to." She said, cutting up the tomatoes.

"No, I don't want to and no, I can't! It's to the point where I don't even know you anymore!" Everything just slipped out of my mouth, every word, every hidden message, every deep meaning. It broke me that she had a quick response to everything I said.

"You know what?! No! It's to the point where I don't even know you anymore Prixley Ereya Morgan! I have tried every single day and night to even get close to comforting you anymore! What do I get in return? Nothing! Nothing but cries, screams, and whines! If you really wanted to help, you would tell me what's going on!!" She yelled.

"Fine! I'll tell you what's going on!" I yelled back, immediately regretting my words.

She cleaned her hands with the red hand towel and leaned against the countertop, "Okay, go on."

I stuttered, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I knew the consequences of what would happen when she heard what I was going to say. It wouldn't matter as much anymore since, she already had the talk. Just, not the talk with me, the talk with my therapist.

"I..." she raised her eyebrow as she watched me struggle.

"I've been seeing things..." I spoke. I kept my head down and waited for her look to consume me, I waited until I could feel her despicable look pervade throughout my body.

"Things like...?" She proceeded.

"Like...these women...they're almost robotic, no, they are robotic. They tear me down limb by limb..." I started to whimper. Even the thought of it scared me, I had experienced it before, the pain, the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. The words, the voices, everything about them, it all scared me to the point of death.

"Honey, I don't know what you're imagining but it's probably nothing this major. If you want we can-"

I cut her off, with the most blunt rejection of, "no."

My voice was sane, straight forward, no emotion, just the sound of, 'no.'

"No?" She questioned.

"No! You see how you respond?! I tried to make it as easy as possible to help you understand but I can't! I can't, mom! All this stuff I see is real, and it's happening right before my eyes! I can feel it and it feels horrible. What doctor is going to fix that, huh? What therapist is going to fix my problems?! None! None, because, I am not going back there just to see myself fade away into a fake reality!" I shouted at her and held my stance for a few seconds before grabbing an apple and leaving. I wasn't going to listen to what she had to say, they were my problems, not anyone else's.