Chapter Ten: The Dilemma of Secrecy

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Content Warnings: Deliberate harm//mentions of blood//panic attack.


Seated in the humid studio, thighs still clammy and tense, Yoongi nervously tapped away at the keyboard before him, eyes transfixed onto the music scores displayed across the numerous screens and not, the bin full of wet wipes, nor the sweat marks against the table surface, nor fixating on the pungent smell of seamen and sweat hanging in the air. 

Hoseok had pleaded with him to allow the younger to care for him - "run and get you water... anything Yoongs!" he'd cried out in a final desperation. But the older rapper had only given him permission to wipe Yoongi's sticky, quivering body before he was kicked out of the studio. He didn't want anything sentimental. Hobi had made it clear they weren't ready for a relationship, so he was determined to make it anything but. 

Making a mental note to add 'no after-care' to the list of fuck-buddy rules, Yoongi slung his jacket over his shoulder and went about locking up his studio, wanting nothing more than to wash away the sensation of heated breath and grasping fingers. Flicking the light switch off, the room descended into darkness and he hauled open the Genius Lab door. 

"Fucking hell!" Eyes wide, the rapper's free hand flew to his chest in shock at the unexpected sight of Sae-mi, "Mimi you scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?" His gaze swiftly flickered around the corridor on instinct, concerned someone had heard his use of the make-up artist's nickname. 

She let out a melodic laugh. Although this lasted a few sweet seconds before her features returned to their initial concerned state, "It's two o'clock in the morning and the boys were worried. I was in the dorm so offered to look for you."

"Charming gentlemen," Yoongi snorted, knowing full well they would have not sent out a search party had Sae-mi not offered, "They usually just leave me be." He turned to face the exit and gestured to his friend to follow suite, "You heading back-?"

"-Yeah. I was watching Shrek with the maknae line." The young woman couldn't help but smile broadly as her comment sent Yoongi into peals of laughter, his head shaking in amused disbelief. Still giggling to himself, he climbed into Sae-mi's passenger seat and patiently waited for her to start up the car. 

Then Yoongi remembered. "Crap." he murmured, shuffling uncomfortably in the seat. He'd just been fucked by her ex in a humid room and hadn't showered. Suddenly feeling incredibly disgusting, he laid his hands on his knees and leaned forward to ensure he touched the bare minimum within her car. Although a confused look was passed his way, Sae-mi did not voice her thoughts. 

SUGA did not full know why he felt guilty in the presence of Sae-mi. It was hardly like Hoseok still expressed feelings for her, and she likewise had gotten engaged during her time away from BTS. Both their behaviours meant they had moved on... so why did Yoongi feel a sense of chilled panic with every second he remained in her car? Was there a chance, that he did not believe his best friend's claims? Or, was this guilt even for her? But then, who else would he feel guilty for? 

A name screamed in the back of his mind, but at the sight of the dorm he shoved it far down his throat, a nauseating feeling creeping into his stomach. He didn't need that kind of drama. Why would he feel guilty about sex if it had been mutually agreed to?  He shook his head angrily, ridding his brain of such stupid thoughts. 

"Yoongi." The car halted abruptly within the underground carpark. The tone was so sharp, it sent a chill thundering down his spine. Looking at the owner of the voice, he realised she was rummaging in her work bag. As she refocused her attention, he glanced down at the concealer and men's deodorant in her hands, "You reek of sex and have a hickey by your collar bone. You're lucky I work with male idols. I'll be inside." 

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