JUST ACCEPT IT!

Fuck you

I fucked up..badly,
I was supposed to tell him I liked him back but my dumbass forgot my bracelets. He pushed it, sorta. I have my issues, he doesn't need to know.

It was now 9 months since we met, overall 2-3 of those months we ignored each other. Today was day 37 of not talking, I felt horrible. I couldn't leave my bed—and on days I actually could, I didn't. I didn't eat.
I was dehydrated, empty, dizzy, tired and to be honest I probably had a bladder infection.
I wasn't lying when I had said no one cares.
Nobody checked up on me, people at school we're probably happier than ever right now.
Bruce included..

God I missed him, I missed him so much.
Looking at the polaroids in a decorated box I made which I was trying to give him that day. All of it, The pictures of our paintings, the TV when we weren't upset about anything. I kept looking- tears streaming down my face once again I reached the end, I was about to put them away until I saw a different one..one I hadn't seen before. It was me.. I was asleep, Bruce was laying against me with the camera in his hand soon flashing the bright light between us. After—He shook it, it was both of us. Holding onto each other. The lit up star who I try and believe I never knew is looking brighter than usual. My face weakens, I'm turning soft for this boy. He was my ending, he was the last chapter in my life. All of these thoughts while looking at the memories in a box made me more depressed than ever.

I look over and grab my pill bottle only to realize..
"Shit! No..No fuck!" I threw the empty bottle somewhere in my torn apart room. The night of I came home, nobody here. I stole liquor from the corner store and cigarettes from a random boy on the street. That night was my worst break down ever. Blood from my shoulders, to my hands, to knees. Bloodshot eyes—Looking in the mirror pulling at my weird shaped on my face that help me see, seeing my blood vessels are white. Having a 2/3 of Vodka bottle gone. Knives, ashes, blood, paper, liquid, memory foam. Everything you could think of that was once pulled together by tape and whatever could but 2&2 together was now on the floor having no escape from the rectangular shape of quick sand that next to a big box with light, sharp drinks, ash tray, pills and r@z0rs on top. There wasn't even music playing, I wanted to put on the mixtape Bruce made but I could never find my headphones.

If I ever left this place would anyone understand what I had to do? Would Bruce be happy or would he just ignore me. Would the teachers just stare at me with a wave of disgust? Overall..
Who knew? Who knew about all of this, about my health, about my sexual preferences. Most of all? I was just worried on how Bruce was..How is he holding up. He should be fine.
Actually...

I don't care
"Fuck You" I wrote on a piece of paper and put it inside of the box. I got up and left with the memories. Who knew where I was going.
River? Bruce's?

Hell..was where i'm going.