Marina Oneshot Book

Anti-Hero

Thanks to @ilovemarvel06 for the story idea and for all of you lovely and devoted readers who read and vote on my stories! It means the absolute world to me to know that I have such dedicated readers who are interested in what I have to write. Now... On to the story!

xxxx

TW: self-harm, suicide

Maya had just come home from a tough call. It was a 24-hour shift and a four-alarm fire, which meant that every fire station was being used. She was exhausted and not just from the call. Her life had been pretty chaotic since her wedding: being demoted, starting a family, not being promoted, watching someone else become the first female fire chief for the SFD, and dealing with the aftermath of her own actions.

    She quietly set her bag down in her and Carina's room before going to take a shower. She felt gross but she wasn't sure if it was because of the call or if it was because she couldn't recognise herself anymore. Maybe it was both. Maya put her waterproof headphones on and started playing music while she was showering. Coincidentally it was her saddest playlist with the saddest songs. It helped for her because she could relate to these songs.

    I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser

    Midnights become my afternoons

    When my depression works the graveyard shift

    All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

"Why is my life like this?" She muttered as she felt the hot water hit her skin. Flinching, she started with the body wash. The small cuts on her body were screaming in agony, but she wasn't going to stop now.

The cutting started a few weeks ago. She knew it wasn't healthy, but when she saw the razor, she started and then couldn't stop. Her life was already in shambles and she didn't know how to improve it. Nobody knew about the cutting, especially not Carina. Well, not yet. Maya didn't know when she'd tell Carina, or she'd find out herself, but until then, Maya knew she didn't want to stop. It was her brain's way of showing her she was incapable of doing anything right. 'Eyes forward at all times.'

I should not be left to my own devices

    They come with prices and vices, I end up in crisis

    (Tale as old as time)

    I wake up screaming from dreaming

    One day I'll watch as you're leaving

    'Cause you got tired of my scheming

    (For the last time)

After her shower, Maya got changed and covered her cuts. Once she had changed, she stood in front of the mirror. All she could see was her teenage self looking back; she looked so drained, so sad, so bleak. It was as if her happiest self had floated into the sky and wouldn't ever come back.

It's me

    Hi

    I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime

    Everybody agrees

    I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

    It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

    Maya's brain was playing a game of chess with her heart, and her brain won. Again. The thoughts creeped back in. All she could hear was her dad's voice. Even her music faded from her ears. She could feel the fear of hearing her dad's voice. He made her shiver in ways she didn't think were possible. Her entire life, Maya thought that her dad just wanted what was best for her. But that wasn't true. He pushed her so hard sometimes that she couldn't feel any muscles in her body, or all of them were aching.