Marina Oneshot Book

In My Blood

TW: suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in

Sometimes I feel like giving up

But I just can't

It isn't in my blood

She looked out at the water below the bridge. Everybody hates me. I can't do anything right. It'd be easier for everyone if I just... didn't exist. Eyes forward at all times. I'm so exhausted. Staring down at the dark water, she sighed. How did I let it get this bad? I'm doing my best; more than my best, actually. Inhaling, she stared out at the water, continuing her thoughts.

"Mi scusi? Are you OK?"

Shit. Turning her head slightly, she looked at the person who spoke. It was a woman, a beautiful woman with chocolate brown eyes. She could feel her heart racing, but quickly shook away the thought. There's no way this woman would want her baggage, let alone fix someone as broken as she was. She nodded before looking back at the water. Quickly realising who it was, she snapped her head back and looked at the woman in shock. "Carina?"

The other woman smiled softly. She remembered. "Hi, Maya."

They had met at the bar a few nights ago, where Maya had told her the story of how she ended up carrying a nose in a plastic bag to the ER. It was during the camping trip she had planned in the hopes of bonding with her team again, this time as their boss. It hadn't been an easy transition.

"What are you doing out here? It's late, and dark," Carina said, worry filling her body. She followed Maya's gaze down at the water and screamed internally. She hoped that Maya wasn't thinking about doing what she thought.

Wanting to die, but you showed up. "Just thinking," she answered. "I like coming here to think. It helps."

"Si, but it's cold, bambina."

Maya shrugged.

"Why don't you come with me to warm up? You must be freezing."

Carina watched Maya shrug again, her muscles being shown off as she leaned on the bridge railing. Maya was only wearing leggings and a tank top, which worried Carina. It was too cold outside and the sun had already set. There was no warmth anywhere. So she did what any good person did; Carina took off her jacket, gently draping it over Maya's shoulders. She felt Maya inhale sharply, but relaxed.

"Umm... If that's OK with you. I'm trying to avoid my roommate right now and I know she hates my guts right now and I don't have anywhere else to go. Sorry, I'm probably not what you need right now and ugh. Sorry I-"

Carina was chuckling at this point. Watching Maya become so flustered was cute. Did I just say cute? Damn it.

"What?"

"You're cute when you ramble," Carina replied, watching as Maya's cheeks turned a deep shade of red.

She had managed to get Maya back to her house and out of her workout clothes; the blonde was now more comfortable in a pair of sweatpants and a Grey Sloan hoodie that was just a little oversized. They were sitting on Carina's sofa drinking some hot chocolate, which seemed fitting for November weather in Seattle.

Carina didn't want to push Maya to tell her anything, but she couldn't deny that she was worried about her. They may have only known each other for a week, but Carina already felt a strong connection between them. She only hoped that Maya did too.

"Thank you, Carina," Maya said, looking at her. "I really appreciate it."

"Of course bella."

Maya looked at her intently, looking for a motive or something. Why is she helping such a worthless person? I don't deserve this. Everybody hates me. I can't do anything. Eyes forward. Embrace the pain. I need to run.