Less Than Nothing

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The sensation of sleep has been lost to me for a few moments now, but still, I have yet to open my eyes. I imagine it's close to five in the morning, my alarm should be going off soon. I have to be at Adrienne's early today but I'm still too scared to open my eyes. Scared to face the reality, and consequences of my actions.

Lust and good judgment seemingly can't coexist. I know that now. And I am currently stuck in the aftermath of my rash, horny decisions from last night. Regret isn't the word I'd use to describe how I feel. I don't regret it. I'm just unsure of what comes next. Especially with Ryan's naked, sleeping body wrapped around mine.

Slowly, my eyes flutter open, embracing reality. I look downwards at Ryan's arms slung around my torso, while his light snores fill the room. I don't know when he plans on waking up, or what he plans to do after, but I need to get ready for work.

It feels kind of nice though. Laying here with him. Maybe in some other parallel universe this moment wouldn't be the aftermath of a one night stand. We'd be two people who find a place beside each other every night. I wouldn't have to question what comes next, because I'd already know that both of us are right where we belong. It'd be the aftermath of love.

Not that I want to fall in love with Ryan, or anyone. It's just something fun to think about.

The truth of the matter is, our joint slumber was quite involuntary.

We fucked on the floor. Twice.

Then on the couch.

Then over the couch.

By the time we made it to the bed, we were both so exhausted, we knocked out. How romantic.

I shut my alarm off so that it doesn't wake him, and slowly remove myself from his grip. Upon standing up, I'm met with an immediate sharpness in my core.

"Ouch" I limp on over to the bathroom. "Fuck me."

You did get fucked. That's why you're in pain. I remind myself of the irony.

Before last night, I hadn't had sex in I don't even know how long. I had more pent up sexual frustration than I realized and Ryan did me a huge solid. No pun intended.

I spend the next twenty minutes in a steaming hot shower that alleviates most of the aching. As I dry my body, I trace my fingers along the light bruising on my arms and legs. Sex has never left a mark before. Maybe I was never doing it correctly.

I get back to my room and Ryan is still fast asleep. He doesn't even budge while I get dressed, and do my hair and makeup. I don't stare at him, because I don't like how I feel when I do. Some kind of warmth builds in my chest seeing how innocent and at peace he looks while he's sleeping. He doesn't even need to be conscious to achieve handsomeness.

By the time I'm done getting ready, Ryan has yet to wake up and I decide to let him sleep. I assume he'll let himself out once he wakes up and I would rather not be around for the awkward hey, I was inside of you but don't expect me to call you later exchange. I'm at peace with last night. And I definitely don't expect flowers or champagne now that it's over.

Right now, my focus is getting to work on time. I'll pick up a coffee on the way, because I have a feeling Ryan will wake up soon and I don't wanna risk seeing him for some homemade coffee.

Grabbing my purse, and keys, I quietly leave my apartment and a man who's practically a stranger inside of it. I don't give him one last look before I go. And I ignore the stupid impulse to kiss him goodbye.

The sex was great, but not enough to turn me into an idiot.

I am surprisingly calm about this whole thing. I expected to...I don't know, feel more. Feel different. The only thing I feel is satisfaction. And slightly chirpy.