Less Than Nothing

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

We don't talk the entire walk back to our room. I'm unsure of what I'd even say. What transpired between Alexander and I sits at the forefront of my memory. The adrenaline is starting to wear off, and the disgust and shame starts to settle.

The first thing I do when I get back to the villa, is turn the shower on. I showered a little less than an hour ago, but am filled with the urge to have another.

To scrub the feeling of Alexander's flesh off my skin.

Ryan joins me in the bathroom. He's still silent, but there's a certain look in his eyes. Of sadness.

Of heartbreak.

We stand quietly by the sink. Slowly, he slips a hand underneath my crop top and pulls it over my head. My pants follow. I stand by idly, watching him undress, and then lead me softly into the tub.

The hot water hits my skin. Ryan takes the soapy washcloth, and swipes it across my body. I melt into him, and allow the tears that sting my eyes to fall down my face.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He whispers against my hair. His voice is stricken with pain.

It's not him who should be apologizing, I know this. And I want to tell him that, but words are still scarce.

After our shower, Ryan and I end up in bed. Not much sleeping occurs though. I spend most of the night ruminating over what happened, re-playing the moment things went south over and over and over again.

Trying to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, while also mentally preparing for what's to come.

Ryan kept his arms around me the entire night, in a way that makes me think he'd hold me this way, and never let me out of his sight forever, if he could. I will admit that his presence, and his love are my biggest comforts. I don't know where I'd be without him.

Granted, this is a shitty situation, but I'm aware of how worse it would be if I didn't have a partner who made me feel this secure.

I knew this trip would be a challenge. I was even prepared for drama, but nothing could've prepared me for this.

Dawn rolls around, and Ryan and I find ourselves awake, getting ready for Maggie's sunrise shoot.

It's been silent for the most part, but Ryan speaks up.

"You know we don't have to do this, right?" He says. "We can go to the airport right now, and catch an early flight home."

"What about the wedding?" I ask sullenly, staring at my reflection as I pass the flat iron through my hair.

"Honestly, Alexandra...I love my sister, but I couldn't give a fuck about this wedding." He admits. "Especially not after what happened last night. The only thing I care about right now, is you."

His consideration melts me, but I know deep down how much him not being at the wedding would hurt Maggie. And how much confusion our sudden departure would cause.

We only have one more day left, I don't think it's worth the drama.

"It's unfair to Maggie and Aaron." I reply, unplugging the iron. "And I don't even wanna think about last night anymore."

It's the truth. I just want to move on, and pretend like it didn't happen.

"Can we just not bring it up again?"

"Alex..." He joins me by the vanity. "What happened last night isn't something to take lightly. I seriously would've killed him."

"I know that," I stammer. "But Ryan, can we please not talk about it? If I start to unpack it, I'll fall apart. I cannot risk that." I sigh. "We have one more day here. Please."