Less Than Nothing

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

RYAN'S POV

My kitchen faucet has been leaking for months.

I've been meaning to call a plumber. I just never got around to it.

Given the events of the last few hours, I probably shouldn't be thinking about that, but I can't help it.

The droplets from the faucet echo one by one, ricocheting against the aluminum sink. This silence is deafening; my apartment has never been so quiet.

"Sweet peas, or carrots?" Jenna approaches the kitchen island, where I'm seated. In her hands are two bags of frozen vegetables.

"Um. Carrots, I guess."

She nods, and hands the pack to me, still unwilling to make eye contact, in fact, these are the first words she's said to me since the fight.

Jen is not one to wear her feelings on her face, though her pursed lips and dull expression tells me everything I need to know.

"The swelling should be gone by tonight," she tells me, as I press the frozen bag of carrots against my bruised knuckles. They're pretty messed up, but thankfully my bones are still intact. I've broken my hand punching someone before, and I don't feel nearly as much pain as I did then.

But even if I did break my hand, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I'd do anything for her.

"Jenna..." I begin, tired of avoiding the elephant in the room. Tired of dancing around the inevitable.

Though I wasn't necessarily expecting this topic to arise under these circumstances, I figure now is as good a time as any. The cat is finally out of the bag.

"We should talk."

For the first time in what seems like centuries, she finally looks at me. By the way she stares, it's like she knows exactly what I'm going to say.

"Yeah," she replies softly. "We should."

Another long moment of silence follows, as we both wallow in the unspoken truth.

It's over.

For real this time.

Part of me feels like I don't even need to say it out loud, but I probably owe Jen some kind of explanation.

Problem is, I wouldn't even know how to word that explanation.

How can I possibly tell Jen...who just moved back to New York to be with me...that I began a casual relationship with this girl a while ago, only, it wasn't really casual because she quickly became the subject of all my affection?

How do I admit that I wish it was Alex standing in my apartment right now, instead of her?

Every night, when my head hits the pillow, and my eyes close, all I see is Alex. She's everything I want. Everything I crave. And I resent every moment spent away from her.

How do I say all of this to Jen, without hurting her?

It's fucked up, and I feel awful. Despite everything, I still care about Jenna. I care about her a lot, but I can't continue to deceive her...to deceive myself.

"I love her, Jen." I murmur softly, looking down at my shoes. I know I don't need to name names, I saw the way Jen looked at Alex and I. It was like everything clicked.

I feel an insane amount of guilt after admitting it out loud, and I brace myself for an explosive reaction.

A reaction Jenna never delivers.