Still Learning [C.L]

Letters

**CHARLES POV**

Fuck.

I really fucked up speaking to Jen like that but I didn't have the time to fix it because my engineer was calling on me for FP3.

My stomach lurched as I took my place in the car and tried to focus on all of the information flashing up on the monitors in front of me, taking in as much of it as possible as the engineers worked around me.

The weather outside matched my mood as the drizzle continued to fall in the pit lane and I was soon given the green light to head out on to the track. I had to push all my other thoughts out of my head and limit my attention to the track for the next hour, managing to take P2 behind Latifi of all drivers.

My final debrief before qualifying felt like a blur as talks of strategies and plans buzzed around me, taking notes to refer back to at a later point. Afterwards I was sat alone in my driver's room running through the last conversation I had with Jen. My jealousy and stress had gotten the better of me and I snapped at because of my own insecurities. The last race had probably ruined my chances at winning the championship and I took my frustration out on her over a stupid interaction with Mick.

I spent around 15 minutes trying to draft a text to explain myself and apologise, constantly typing and deleting what I had written as nothing was good enough. Soon after, I had to return to the track for qualifying. Following my same routine as I got myself settled in to the car.

Q1 was awful, only managing to take P8 but picked it up a bit for 2 and 3 and securing P3 for tomorrow. I just wanted to go back to the hotel and fix things with Jen but knowing I still had media duties and debriefs to do made it so much longer before I could talk to her. I quickly checked my phone to see a text from Arthur saying he had made his own way back to the hotel so hopefully he could help the situation a little.

A few hours later I finally got in to the hotel room and my heart dropped seeing that all her things were gone. I frantically grabbed for my phone and tried to call her, only it went straight to voicemail. Running my hands through my hair as I paced around the room I tried three more times, getting the same result each time before I noticed the piece of paper on the desk

Her neat handwriting displayed the words that broke my heart

Charles,

I think this is maybe my tenth attempt at writing this as it's so difficult to find the words to describe what I'm feeling. I want you to know that I love you with my whole heart (and soul and body and whatever else people tend to say when they're professing their love) but it's becoming such a struggle for us to be together.
I think we both need time to gather our thoughts and work on our priorities. Racing is your life, your passion, your dream. And I don't want the drama that I'm causing to ever get in the way of that.
I only want the best for you, always. And I'll be cheering you on no matter the circumstances.
But for now I think it's best for both of us to take some time apart to think things over. It could be a few days or weeks (hopefully not any longer than that) but I really do want this to work for us.
A wise woman (Emma) once said to me "if you love something set it free, and if it comes back to you it's meant to be" or something along those lines
Anyway..
I love you Charles Leclerc. Always have, always will

Jen x

I stood in front of the desk as I continued to look at the devastating letter. Reading it over again and again, my heart wrenching more and more with every cute little additional rambling, remembering the moments we would be sat in bed as she told me the stories of her day, breaking off into tangents on every second sentence.

I couldn't believe my stupid reactions had caused me to lose one of- no - the most important person in my life. I kicked the metal trash can across the room and crumpled up pieces of paper came tumbling out of it. I opened up every one to see the start of the letter written before being scribbled out, some of the ink smudged with tears.