Arcane (Regulus Black)

eighteen

It comes back in phases. Quick and abrupt, black images of light. I remember it being cold and dark. The only thing that filled something inside of me was the burning feeling in my chest as if somebody had run something over me, repeatedly. All I know is I should have listened to you Reg, maybe if I did the stars would have been aligned with the moon as it should have been. All this time. I was just blind to it.

It started off I remember, at least I think I do, with my father screaming. He screamed alongside others, they cursed me for destroying my family's image. In that moment, I remember pain, bountiful spikes of pain that struck me all around. I remember my mother crying, as she pleaded against my dad but he would not listen. I remember cheers, and laughter. That one high pitched tone of laughter I had familiarised myself with, all those years, I could never have forgotten that. Regulus's parents.

That summer I had hoped for clarification and forgiveness in hope of moving on was not real. I remembered the darkness and the cold, and my room was smaller than I had left it. His biggest regret, he called me as he grabbed my wand and struck me with it. I remembered. All I thought about there was how I needed you. I needed your arms around me. Truthfully, I needed Regulus Black to hold me and whisper as he tucked my loose hair behind my hair, that everything would work out as I remained locked in my room. I heard mere whispers and saw outside through my window, visitors for my parents. it had become more regular, these same visitors, as if some forms of meetings were being held. I remembered Sirius's theory and wrote notes in an attempt to piece together this theory. Thankfully, with the help of Hobby, I sent them to James's place in the hope that Sirius would receive them.

Their meetings grew overtime, I recognised some of the voices, even the cane of Orion Black and his wife's high pitched tone. They kept the door shut, despite the fact that I was locked up in my room but with the help of Hobby, it worked. I confirmed a movement of extreme anti muggle born wizards or so they called themselves the death eaters and that they were behind the several recent attacks.

That one day went by so fast, it feels as if it did not exist. One day, I heard a knock on my door Walburga's familiar tone. My dad stood next to her alongside my mother. They hurried me out and next thing I remembered was being at the Blacks house. all I hoped was for him to be there and he was.

I was in a black dress, with a black veil I felt like Bellatrix which sent waves of discomfort across my body as I was pushed inside. I was stood there as I waited for what they were going to do next. Orion placed some orders for his elves as he ushered my parents into the living room. My father grabbed me by the wrist, I remember the mark on the wrist, that pushed me in. I remembered the searing agony of rupturing pain as I had hit the table and fallen on the ground. I remembered the laughter and names they called me as I sat, with my head towards the ground. I tried to hold myself together but I felt myself crumbling away, all I wanted to know was if he was safe.

I heard my name and I felt myself comprise back together as he sat in front of me. He looked down as my hand and cautiously enveloped mine with his and softened his eyes at me, in an attempt to comfort me. Those green eyes that were filled with the warmth of everlasting hearth as if they were a part of a forest that I had fallen into, which burned forever with an everlasting warmth. A feeling of home. He moved my hand under his blazer, towards his heart and I flet my breathing had calmed down.

He looked up and I heard Orion murmured orders towards his elves but my gaze returned to Regulus'. My hand remained on his chest as I felt his steady heartbeat. In that moment I realized it but before I could say it, my eye widened in horror as I saw Taylor was tied up and unconscious as they had thrown her on the ground. A searing electric pain of agony ruptured my thoughts and bought me back to reality as I heard my father talk about my associations with mud bloods. He grabbed me and sat me on the free chair opposite him, Regulus followed. I looked at Regulus but his gaze remained fixed on my fathers. I looked at Taylor and I felt myself crumble apart.

"You're a monster" I called out and they all looked at me. My father smirked as he sat up and leaned towards her. "don't you dare touch her!" I screamed but I felt Regulus's hand firmly on my waist to keep me down on the chair. The smirk on my father's face remained as he took his wand out and mischievously grinned, "I am not going to touch her, daughter" he smirked, "if you are even worthy of that title. Avada- "

I jumped but Regulus grabbed my arm and I felt a force that pulled me towards the ground.. It had happened all so fast. I remembered the stance of my father and just when the phrase came out. I remembered. My eye widened in horror and I screamed.

"Lizzy?"

I turned and saw James. I looked at him then turned to look around me as my thoughts returned to reality but drifted away. "Taylor, my parents" I gasped. "Regulus" I stood up and rummaged across the floor for a wand, "Regulus, I have to get back to him"

"Why do you have to get back to Regulus?" James asked and I looked up. I saw it in his eyes as his face fell apart. He left the room and I continued to look for it. If Regulus had transported me here, then he would not have left me unarmed, I needed to find the wand, his wand.

As I rummaged across the floor, I felt a pair of arms envelope me that picked me up off of the ground as I called out. Truthfully, I had to go back. For Regulus. My eyes fell apart as I remembered Taylor. Sirius sat down next to me. I could not even give him any form of explanation. I remembered I just burst into tears on his shoulder.

I had to go back. For Regulus. He was the reason I stood. He remained the thought behind every feeling, the swelling in my chest, the starlight in the evening, and the yearning. He remains the sound behind the sighting, the song of every bird that sat on the tree opposite my window; the tears in all of my crying- the ache in every word as I whispered, as I prayed for your safety.

I gasped. I remembered as I fell towards the ground from the Black's house to James's house. He grasped my hands as he cast the spell. I love you. He said. But in that whisper, I heard the roar of a thousand promises and a feeling of a thousand forms of love of an infinite lifetime. Little if he knew, this lifetime I craved for his love. I needed him.

Before him. I had only believed in love at first sight and that was with Sirius Black. The belief that Sirius and I were destined because I believed Sirius to be the sun, my sun. That feeling of destiny because we had given our hearts away to each other so we were destined for one another. Upon one view, after just one glance, we knew we were made for each other. And I spent most of my life in the belief that Sirius and I's parallel paths would intertwine. Our paths grew parallel but our stars had never aligned.

Truthfully, fate and an urge are to distinct ideals. I urged for Sirius black. I wanted him because I thought we made the most sense together because of how similar we were but his brother held my fate in his hands.