THE RED SATIN || BDSM

Chapter 34 - Feelings

My heart stopped beating from the violence in his voice. This was not my Damien, not at all.

"I'm here to pick Bacon up," I said, trying to seem confident when all I wanted to do was hide somewhere where his angry eyes couldn't cut me into pieces.

Damien stepped closer but still kept his distance from me. I could tell he was angry, but every time he looked at me there was a different emotion in his eyes, and I wished I could understand what it was.

"Why would you do that? You have to rest, and the doctor said you shouldn't..."

"I know what the doctor said" I snapped because he already told me this. His eyes narrowed at me even more, and I knew that in the past I would've gotten a punishment for snapping at him. "I'm struggling Damien, why can't you see it? Why can't you see me?" My voice broke at the end of the sentence, and I hated it. I wanted to be strong for once.

"I see you, Daisy. You're still covered in fucking bruises and cuts, so go back to your room, and rest!" He didn't yell, but he was close to it. But so was I.

"You see me?" I laughed hysterically, and he furrowed his brows in confusion. "If you'd actually see me, then you would know that I'm dying inside, Damien. I was tortured, for the love of God! Do you know that I relive it every single night?" I asked, and a muscle in his jaw started jumping. "Every time I fall asleep I go through hell, I'm being cut open again, being beaten again, and you're not there to stop it." My chin trembled, and a few tears escaped my eyes.

Damien was standing there in silence, so I continued.

"You're not sleeping next to me to save me from those dreams. You are not there for me during the days, when I couldn't escape my thoughts. And trust me, I tried. I tried because I had to realize that you won't be there for me, not like you were supposed to be." I sniffed and wiped my face with the back of my hand, but I knew it was pointless. I couldn't stop the tears anymore. "I understand why, though. You can't look at me, and I get it because I can't either. I look disgusting, and I know you probably don't want me now that he took away my body. He's everywhere on my skin, he marked every inch of me, and he carved his fucking name into my stomach. So believe me, I get it, Damien, but it doesn't hurt any less." I shake my head before turning away from him.

I had enough, I couldn't do this anymore. I had to start choosing myself.

I was about to bend down to pick Bacon up when his hand on my arm stopped me. His touch on my skin was like rain on heated skin, it felt amazing. His grip was light, almost like he was scared to touch me.

"I'm not disgusted by you, Daisy." He said angrily when I turned around and looked into his eyes. "I'm disgusted by me, for fucks sake." Damien cursed, shaking his head like he couldn't believe what he heard.

"What?" I was shocked. He couldn't actually mean that. "Why would you be disgusted by yourself?"

Damien laughed, but there was nothing joyful in that sound.

"Because I did this to you, Daisy. I can't fucking stand the bruises on your face, or all of the cuts on your body because I know I'm the one who's responsible for them." He rubbed his face before starting to pace around me.

"Every time I looked at you ever since then, I wanted to make the whole world burn for causing you pain. I still do, and I'm going to make everyone pay for what they did to you." He grunted, his voice was strained with pain and anger.

"Damien..." I whispered, and when he looked at me the whole world slowed down.

Oh, how much of a fool was I?