Part Two: Not Like the Movies

275.

RAFAELA

I am unreasonably moody today, particularly with Anthony. I know it's my period talking but this is the first time that I am this annoyed with him. Lahat ng ginagawa niya, mali. Even the simplest thing like not putting his clothes inside the hamper. And this is only the first time! First time and I got so irritated.

I know he's usually organized with his things and he was really tired last night dahil kahit may hang over pa siya sa inuman nila ni Zy, he had a full day. So I also hate that I was mean to him the whole day.

But he was very patient.

Kaya nagtago agad ako at nag-lock ng kwarto nang dumating kami sa condo kasi naiiyak ako. Na kahit ang sama ng ugali ko ngayong araw, nang sinundo niya ako, nakita ko na puro paborito ko ang nasa backseat. From food, chocolates, even flowers! It was very nice of him to do that. And sweet.

"Babe?" I heard him say. Sumilip siya sa maliit na siwang sa pagitan nang pinto na parang nag-i-ingat kung magagalit ba agad ako.

Tumingin lang ako sa kanya habang balot ako ng fluffy pink blanket naming dalawa. Umusod ako at nagbigay ng espasyo sa kanya sa kama. That's when he took the hint that it's okay for him to come near me.

"May masakit ba sa'yo? May dala akong hot compress oh," malambing niyang sabi nang umupo siya sa gilid ng kama. Inilabas niya ang pink hot compress na hawak niya at inilapit sa akin. Lalo akong umiyak.

Before me, his condo unit was simple with its black and white theme. Now, he has pink things because he knows that it's my favorite color.

"Sorry, babe. Mali ako. Ayaw mo pala nito," sabi niya pa at itinabi niya ang hawak sa side drawer niya. His voice is calm but I can see the panic in his eyes.

"Akin na! Akin 'yon eh!" iritado kong sabi sa pagitan ng mga luha.

"Oh ito na," nagmamadali niyang abot sa akin. "Tahan na..."

Kinuha ko ang hawak niyang hot compress tsaka ko isinaklob ang kumot sa akin. Ilang minuto lang, nakita ko na inilusot niya ang kamay niya sa loob nito kaya hinawakan ko 'yon pagkatapos ilagay ang hot compress sa may bandang puson.

"I love you," I heard him say. Paulit-ulit lang siya ro'n mula pa kaninang umaga. It made me emotional.

"I'm sorry," I softly said while sniffing.

"Hey... it's okay."

"You can go inside the blanket. I want to cuddle," I told him in a small voice. "Please?"

"Even when you don't say please, I will cuddle with you," I heard him laugh. "Cute mo."

Inangat niya ang kumot at muli kaming ibinalot do'n. Agad niya akong niyakap habang sinusubukan niyang i-massage ang likod ko.

"I read on the internet that this helps with the blood flow."

"Mhm," I nodded. Sumiksik lang ako at hinayaan na siya habang nakapikit. Tumahan na ako kaya tahimik lang kami pareho ngayon bago siya nagsalita ulit.

"May pagkain. Kung may gusto ka, iinitin ko," sabi niya pa habang patuloy sa ginagawa. 

"Mamaya," tanggi ko. "Dito ko gusto. Sa'yo. Kasi kapag nandito ka, hindi masakit."

"Hindi ka na galit?" tanong niya.

"It's my demon nga lang," I pouted. "I'm sorry for being unreasonable today. Mga ilang araw pa akong ganito."

"You can be unreasonable every month," he chuckled before kissing the top of my head. "It's the least thing I can do to ease your pain."

"You make things bearable for me, Anthony," I softly replied. "Mahal mo 'ko talaga 'no?"

"Tinatanong pa ba 'yan?" he asked with a playful smile before he stopped massaging my back and his expression turned to serious. "Ako nga dapat nagsasabi n'yan eh. Kasi lagi mong pinipili manatili."

"Bakit hindi ako mag-stay? You're a walking green flag nga!" I argued.

"Only you can say that," he laughed again before hugging me tighter. I love it when he does that, like he couldn't stay still if we have physical space. His smell. How I fit in his arms. The things he do.

Everything... just everything about Anthony makes me love him more every day.

"I'm proud I get to say that... to experience it..." I smiled. "Thank you for loving me right."

"It would be a haunting failure to love you less, Rafaela..." he said, before fixing my hair so I could look at him. "And I have enough ghosts haunting me. But my love for you wouldn't be one... because I will always, always try to do it right. And learn, when I'm lacking."

"Me too..." I uttered with a promise while softly touching his cheek. "You are my kintsugi, Anthony. Your love is the gold in my cracks. The beauty in imperfection."

"You embrace my broken parts. That I no longer see them as flaws..."

"Kahit sinasabi nila na... madali akong makuha... madali akong babae..."

"Hindi naman nila alam na matatag kang kumapit," he finished for me. "Hindi nila alam na matibay kang magmamahal."

"Kung madali ka, Rafaela... isa lang 'yong ibig sabihin n'yan para sa akin... madali kang mahalin," patuloy niya. "Ang dali-dali mong mahalin, pero ang hirap mong pakawalan."

"And that's only for me to figure out, unfold..." he whispered. "So thank you for showing me your cards."

"Thank you for calling my bluff and seeing through all my tells," I gave him a soft kiss on his lips. "My all in will always be for you. And with you," I promised before I snuggled closer, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

It's such a soothing way to fall... again and again. For the same person.

For Anthony.